IPB
 
Infinite Menus, Copyright 2006, OpenCube Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

 
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> Found Porn
DestinylovesJesu...
post Nov 15 2006, 11:49 AM
Post #1


Newbie
*

Group: Members
Posts: 7
Joined: 5-November 06
Member No.: 139



Hello everyone,
I would greatly appreciate your prayers, and if anyone has advice regarding my situation that would be great, too. Two months ago, my fiance admitted he had a sexual addiction which was a big step for him. Until recently he said his viewing pornography was "no big deal", and that "all guys do it" and etc. I was at the point where I was going to take my 11 month old and 2 yr. old and leave him after finding out he was going to adult bookstores and frequenting all nude strip bars with his 20 yr. old cousin. The reality of me leaving him is what helped him realize he had a problem. I was so deeply hurt but I forgave him and I agreed to stay if he got help for his addiction. The first week he took some positive steps and we saw a counselor together for the first visit and then he went once by himself. After a couple weeks he stopped reading the book we bought about sex addiction, and he said we could not afford counseling. (It was 70$ an hour which is more than we can afford right now and there aren't any counselors in our area that are any cheaper.) I had a gut feeling about a month ago that he was back to watching porn. His whole attitude changes and he starts acting very moody. I can feel the spiritual darkness in our home as a result of his choices. I asked him if he was back to watching porn again and of course he adamantly denied it . Today I found new porn he had hidden which proves my feelings were right on. I am so hurt and confused. Should I confront him? Should I make plans to leave? The welfare of my children is my main concern. I grew up in a broken home and had a terrible childhood and I don't want my babies to have to go through that. Do I just put up with it and pray things will change eventually? Please pray for me- and any advice would be helpful as well.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Glen
post Nov 15 2006, 02:06 PM
Post #2


Administrator
****

Group: Root Admin
Posts: 863
Joined: 13-July 06
From: Camino (Apple Hill) California, USA
Member No.: 1



Hi! By all means, confront him! The nature of addiction, as you know, includes lying, hiding, denial, etc. The fact that he's slipped and looked at porn again isn't as big a deal as lying to you about it. Let him know you can only stay if he is honestly working to recover from his addiction and he's honest with you about it. Let him know if you can't trust him with porn, you sure can't trust him with more important things. If he's flexible and reasonable, give him another chance. If he's defensive and inflexible, move out. A broken home can be a healing place if the Lord is welcome there.


--------------------
Love & Hugs,
Glen


Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
JAS
post Sep 17 2007, 07:20 AM
Post #3


Newbie
*

Group: Members
Posts: 1
Joined: 17-September 07
Member No.: 458



I say this from the other side of the problem. I too have struggled with this addiction (still do). I was exposed to pornography at a very early age..... Not to make an excuse, but simply to outline that a foundation was laid that has made it an even more difficult of stronghold to tear down. I'm not bad... I'm not evil.... I truly seek God and have been saved for many years now. I had no trouble giving up smoking, drinking, drugs, lying and even cursing. Pornography however, again was introduced to me as a child and the enemy has had me in that trap for so many years, it's just a day by day walk with God, trusting, struggling, praying.... I value my wife's determination to stand by me and hold me accountable. Now and again, she'll ask me if I have "slipped" and as I do slip still now and again... I then struggle on lying about it. The important thing I have to remember and I hope that you would remember too, is that it is a bonafide addiction. The "release" that you get is ultimately a chemical one. Endorphins are released to the brain that are as addicitive as any drug I know. I would suggest that if you haven't already, do some research on this, just so you can be as educated as possible about your husband's struggle. The lying, mood swings, etc., are not towards you. It is a struggle with the flesh that is composed of many things, including shame and guilt.

My wife did not take it well when I confessed to her and I don't blame her. I had a very hard time convincing her how much I truly loved her and this was not at all against her in any way. I realize by God's word that this in fact was a form of adultery and that made me even more shameful and guilty. We all have a sense of pride and don't like to feel this way, so sometimes against all logic we cover it up with denial, we become defensive, etc. Realize deep down he is struggling. Maybe he's gotten to the point where he's completely recognized the struggle, maybe not. Either way, it is a war between the flesh and the Spirit and I urge you to stay in constant prayer for yourself and him. Educate yourself about the addiction and stay supportive. God can bring you both through it. After my wife got over the initial shock and hurt and looked into it, she began to understand that, as the word says, there is a battle and we need to stay together. She has become very supportive and that has helped to change my attitude tremendously. It won't be easy, as again, many years have helped to build the stronghold and it's not gonna go away overnight. Just recognizie it for what it truly is and let God do His work. Ultimately (Romans 8:28), "All things work together for the good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose". God may very well use your husband one day to help others overcome a similar problem. May He keep you and bless you through this trial.....
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Mitch
post Sep 22 2007, 07:51 PM
Post #4


User
**

Group: Members
Posts: 18
Joined: 17-September 07
From: Texas
Member No.: 459



Does your fiance walk with God? I have prayed that he would strengthen his relationship with Christ which will solve the problem, but if he is not saved than I think that is the root of the problem you need to be dealing with.


--------------------
Mitch

Ask God
Believe in 100% Faith
ACCEPT a full measure

Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
funtastic89
post Sep 14 2012, 06:07 AM
Post #5


Newbie
*

Group: Members
Posts: 6
Joined: 14-September 12
Member No.: 39,327



Hi there,

Every addiction comes from an unloving spirit that has either entered through something that's happened in your life like feeling unloved by your parents, self issues, abuse etc and/or it can be a generational curse of perversion, uncleanness, lust, fantasy, unloving.

I had a pornography addiction for 6 years and after repenting of my sin and my forefathers sins which the bible tells us to do it left me and was completely free with not even the thought of looking remained. Before I would be constantly repenting for my sin but it was always pulling me back into it until God showed me that there's more involved then just repenting of the sin.

Feel free to message me
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

Reply to this topicStart new topic

 

- Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 28th March 2024 - 08:34 AM
IPS Driver Error

IPS Driver Error

There appears to be an error with the database.
You can try to refresh the page by clicking here