IPB
 
Infinite Menus, Copyright 2006, OpenCube Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

 
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> Anything Helps
Tucknroll
post Nov 29 2008, 03:58 AM
Post #1


Newbie
*

Group: Members
Posts: 1
Joined: 29-November 08
From: Oregon
Member No.: 1,891



My name is Kasey, and I am a 21 year old male from Oregon. I don't know if the denomination matters at all here, but in any case, I am a Presbyterian. I am engaged to a beautiful woman, whom I plan on tying the knot with in December of 2009. She brought me into my current religious state about 4 years ago. To explain my problem, I unfortunately need to give a bit of a back story.

I have issues with panic attacks - mainly dealing with Death. I am beyond physically and mentally frightened of the thought of dying, and more upsetting to me, is what happens afterwards. I was raised on and off religiously from the age of 3-7. I believe these attacks started when my grandfather died when I was 6 years old from emphysema. From that point on, I had horrible panic attacks every night until about the age of 14. I still am frequented by these to this day, and I don't believe they will ever stop. From the ages of 8-15 I never went to church, or had any religious affiliation. I knew of God, from my mother, aunt, and widowed grandmother, who were all strong believers. My Grandmother (passed away Jan. 2006) was my greatest inspiration for following God and his word. I regret every day not being a better grandson for her while she was still here.

When I met my fianceč, I was 16. She was extremely religious, and went to church with her father and younger sister. Naturally, seeking her acceptance, as well as her families, I decided to go once in a while. My mother being part of the same church made it less of an awkward situation. There, I fell in love with the church, and even more so, its pastor. His sermons were something out of this world. They were uplifting, but in a subtle manner, one I hadn't witnessed before. Within a year, I was taking confirmation courses, and became a full member in summer 2006, after promising my Grandmother I would complete all the courses and follow through.

After my Grandma's death, I went to church more often, but also started having panic attacks again. In 2007, our pastor, who was Divorced from a failed marriage from a cheating spouse, had decided to choose another partner. My family, and my fianceč were more than happy for him, and his significant other, who happened to be our churches choir director (also divorced). I find myself to be more of a progressionist when it comes to my religion. I celebrated and congratulated both of them on their love. The rest of my church, however, did not find it something to cheer for. Our choir director left shortly after the announcement, so as to not conflict with any work at the church. Shortly after that, our board decided to let our pastor go. After he was kicked out of the church, I found it hard to go back, and where my current lack of faith, I believe, is being stemmed from.

I am losing faith day by day, and it is having an exponential effect on both my life with my family and friends, as well as my attacks. They happen almost every night now, and it's becoming to where I can't sleep until the wee hours of the morning. I've sought help with my old pastor through email, but unfortunately, it's difficult to keep in contact with him as he's helping so many others at his church where he is interim pastoring. I need help regaining my faith in God, and need help in understanding that I cannot grasp the depth of love and understanding he has. This issue is straining on my relationship with my future wife, and is affecting my work life as well.

The issue of my losing faith not necessarily derives entirely from the church, but also from the panic attacks. I've gone to counseling for them, and it helped for a bit, but is becoming an extreme issue. My faith has slipped from going to church almost every Sunday, to not having stepped foot in the church in over 6 months. I do not pray, and I feel terrible when people pray for me, as I do not feel it is deserved. I have done the most horrible thing I can think of, which was to question the existence of God. I have run out of options for seeking help, and this, so far, is my last refuge. I want to salvage whatever is left of my faith, and keep it alive. I'm running in circles with the same questions, and each day brings another hurdle. I need help to jump over these hurdles and answer these questions, but it still feels like I'm running the track alone.

Any advice, verbal or scripture, is much appreciated. I do not want to lose any relationships I have in this life, especially the ones with God, Jesus Christ, my wife, and my family and friends. They are all that is most in me, and I feel it all slipping. Please, any help at all is much appreciated.

Thank you in advance,
Kasey
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

Reply to this topicStart new topic

 

- Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 28th March 2024 - 03:49 AM
IPS Driver Error

IPS Driver Error

There appears to be an error with the database.
You can try to refresh the page by clicking here