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> Need Advice Please, unmarried with two babies
DestinylovesJesu...
post Nov 5 2006, 08:10 AM
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Hello everyone,
I would really appreciate some advice on how to handle my situation. I am in a relationship with a man and we have two children together, ages 11 months and 25 months. Their father and I are not married. We are both have accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. However we are at different places in our walk. I want to grow as a christian and be a good example to my children.I am heavily convicted that we are not married and are living together. I have told my children's father many times how I feel, that I would like for us to get married. He always gets annoyed when I approach him about it. I come from a past of drug addiction and abusive relationships, etc. God rescued me from it all and I am so grateful for His grace, love, and mercy. My children's father has said more than once that basically I should just be happy the way we are, considering where I have been before I met him. Recently he has told me that "we don't even get along, why would we get married?". This has hurt me deeply and caused me to wonder if he ever plans on marrying me. I feel we are just "playing house" and he has no intentions of committing to me. We have only known each other for three years and have had two children in that short period of time. He is a good dad and good man for the most part. We have had some serious struggles. For example he recently admitted he was addicted to pornography (which I have known for awhile) and I discovered he was going to an all nude strip bar with his 20 yr. old cousin. I forgave him because he admitted he needed help for this problem and agreed to see a counselor. We went to a christian counselor 3 times and my children's father decided he did not want to go anymore and we could not afford it. I am not trying to judge him but the choices he is making have brought spiritual struggles into our home. I am a stay at home mom and have no income, alot of debt, warrants for my arrest from unpaid tickets from my past. I thank God he has given me a new life. Considering the path of destruction I was once on- It is a miracle that I am still alive and now have two beautiful,healthy babies. I am thankful to my children's father for being a good provider. However, he has told me on many occasions that everything we have is his and not ours. If I left him I would have nothing- no car, no money, no place to live. He also said he would not give any child support if I left and in fact he would fight to have the babies. Please,I desperately need some Godly wisdom and advice for my situation. I don't know what to do
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Glen
post Nov 6 2006, 06:37 AM
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Obviously, my advice is not going to touch on all the issues. First, whether he wants to admit it, or not, you are married in God's eyes. The Bible's pretty clear on that. The only thing left undone is the paperwork. Sounds like you both are coming out of a pretty rough time in your lives. I'd suggest you be patient with him and give God a chance to work in him. I'm not convinced this is the best course, but if you watch and pray, God will give you hints as to what to do. If your husband truly regrets his porn addiction, he should be going to counseling for that, alone, and will quit. As soon as you're able, you should get a job and save as much of your money as possible. This is to be prepared incase your husband decides not to grow in Christ and put addiction behind him. So, to sumarise:

Be patient.
Watch and pray.
Get a job.


--------------------
Love & Hugs,
Glen


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christa
post Nov 10 2006, 01:20 PM
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First of all, because you are not married, if you are still having sex I believe thats living in sin. You are stuck between a rock and a hard place because he has you financially trapped. It also sounds like he takes you for granted if he thinks your lucky to have him because of your past. I also come from a background of drug addiction. My suggestion would be to work and save money and if you have a relative that would let you stay with them in the meantime that would be superb. If he is not willing to continue counseling and marry you then you need to move on with your life and be grateful you are not trapped with him by mariage. The Lord is faithful and may have something better in store for you. I will pray for you and you should pray for guidance but if he dosen't appreciate you and is not willing to get help then you need to start finding ways to becoming independent so you can have the husband that you deserve someday.
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Guest_myJesusmyLord_*
post Nov 26 2006, 12:59 AM
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Hi. My heart goes out to you because I was in a similar situation 6 years ago. I was unmarried with two children one of them was with my boyfriend at the time. We were together for 10 years. He would say similar things to what your boyfriend is saying. He did not want to marry me but he wanted to continue to have sex with me and even when I told him 'no' sometimes he would force his will upon me. We argued a lot because of this. I also felt convicted about our relationship because I felt we were living in sin by having sex out of wedlock. At the time was dependent on my boyfriend because I was not able to get an apartment on my own. He would threaten to kick me out from time to time. I remember praying and crying to the Lord to change his heart so that we could be married and be a family for the children's sake. Nothing changed. The Lord told me if I can get an apartment in my own name then I did not need my boyfriend since he did not want to acknowledge me as his wife. I had to trust in God and he helped me get my own apartment. When I decided to leave my boyfriend he got extremely violent and threatend to kill me. God protected me though. One day my boyfriend came over to my new aparment and was visiably upset. Unknown to him, one of my girlfriends was visiting me that day so when he saw her, he left. She told me later that she thinks he would have hurt me if she were not there. It was hard getting out of that situation but God made it possible. The only thing I am battling now is lonliness because I am waiting for God to send me a husband.

My advice to you is to pray and seek the Lord to help you. If the Lord tells you to leave do it no matter how hard you think it is at the time. You will be blessed for your obedience. Ask God to give you strength to do what ever he wants you to do. You may need some help from your friends or family until you can get on your feet.

Also your Church family can help you as well. If you do not have a Church, then join one that preaches the Gospel of Jesus Christ and teaches from the Bible.

If no one is there to help you, then God will help you supernaturally. Jesus has never left my side. Even on my lowest days where I felt I was not going to make it, He gave me Himself. His Peace, His Joy, His Love...etc. I will be praying that God performs his will in your life.

God is in control of all things. So that means eventhough your boyfriend says he is going to take the kids if you leave him, he has to go through God first. When you are trusting in the Lord then no matter what anyone says or does, the outcome will be in your favor.

When my boyfriend and I separated he paid my car note and my son's daycare. This was not by court order either. God's conviction caused him to do this. Because for years I had paid all of the bills and was in financial trouble because of it. When I got saved God lifted some of those financial burdens from me and put them on my boyfriend.

God sees you want to do the right thing so he will definatley help you according to his plan for your life.

God Bless You!
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funtastic89
post Sep 14 2012, 06:16 AM
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Hi there,

Every addiction comes from an unloving spirit that has either entered through something that's happened in your life like feeling unloved by your parents, self issues, abuse etc and/or it can be a generational curse of perversion, uncleanness, lust, fantasy, unloving.

I had a pornography addiction for 6 years and after repenting of my sin and my forefathers sins which the bible tells us to do it left me and was completely free with not even the thought of looking remained. Before I would be constantly repenting for my sin but it was always pulling me back into it until God showed me that there's more involved then just repenting of the sin.

Feel free to message me
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tifranc31
post Dec 9 2012, 10:50 PM
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Honestly I don't have experience of being married but as far as I know according to the bible that sin to have a sex if both of you didn't yet get married. And now as you accepted Jesus Christ, God forgave you in what you've done before and the father of your two babies needs to ask you to marry him to perform his responsibilities especially for your two babies. And if he truly love Christ, he should stand for what of both of you did. And ask for God's wisdom to carry the struggles, burdens, trials in your family. God bless!
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