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> Could Use Some Encouragement!
Audrey
post Dec 5 2012, 08:47 PM
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It's been a long road for me trying to figure out what to do with my life. I took a year off after high school because I had absolutely no idea what i wanted to do with my life. During my year off I worked hard to save up as much money as I could with all intents set on going to school the upcoming year. Growing up, my parents would make sure we got to church every Sunday with either my grandma or my uncle. We always considered ourselves a christian family but we never truly put God first. Well, during my year off I grew closer to God than I ever imagined becoming. I never really put God first in life, he was always just a positive thought and a way to show others I was a good person. But during that year, I grew in ways I can't even explain! It was so wonderful and I was extremely happy! Then I decided to go to school and I really didn't put much thought or prayer into my major, it just came to me and I went with it. I thought I was going to go to school and be this huge example and spread God's word and really make a difference. Then I got there and I began to party. I started drinking at least once if not two or three times a week. It became the only thing I looked forward to. I completely shoved God to the back of my mind. Every night I would think to myself that God would punish me eventually."Eventually it will hit me and then I will stop" is what I kept saying over and over. I began letting others influence me and started putting others down. I did whatever I wanted, all the while knowing I knew better than that. I let myself go. I let my whole lifestyle go. Most importantly, I let my relationship with God go. It's only been a couple of weeks since I have decided to stop going out. I am ready to get my relationship with God back to where it belongs. I am ready to be the child God created me to be. I feel like it should be easy to come back because I know God is a forgiving God and I know he never left me through any of the days I was ignoring him and just doing what I wanted but it is really hard. I feel like such an idiot and even though I know it's not true I can't help but feel like I don't deserve to be able to come back. I knew every day, every night when I laid down, that what I was doing was wrong but I just kept doing it. I have been such an idiot all this time and I just cant't seem to feel right about praying again. I don't feel like I deserve to feel better about myself because I made these stupid decisions on my own. It also hurts to know that I allowed all the people I have been around to see me act this way. I want to change my ways but I know I am going to have to face these same people and I can't encourage them with God's love because they know that I have gone out and they know all the other things I've done so who am I to tell them not to do those things? The hardest part is that even as I am typing these words I know they are lies. I've let myself get so far away from God that I'm allowing myself to believe all the lies I have spent my whole life thinking were ridiculous. It hurts a lot and I am having a really hard time getting back on track. I could really use some prayers during this time. I'm ready to believe that I deserve to come back and I'm ready to feel as in love with God as I once did.
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Xanys
post Mar 27 2013, 10:31 PM
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Hey hey! There can't be two of the same mindset! The world can't take two of us! =p

You sound like a fellow analytical mind... if so, I can understand that endless see-saw effect. Back and forth, back and forth, especially when regret, confusion, and self-loathing come into effect. It has gotten me in trouble because God is in the stillness; a whisper on our Spirit. And if our Spirit is too restless, if we won't let our thoughts be quiet and listen, we overlook what He's saying.

I listen to Christian music when I feel discouraged. I like all genres, but alternative rock tends to speak to me more. Some of my favorites for a situation like this are "Dear X" by Disciple; "Human" by Manafest; "Worn" by Tenth Avenue North. What kind of music do you listen to? I suggest finding a Christian radio station that you like and listening to nothing but that. I guarantee you will see a significant change by just applying God into aspects in your life, like music. Or reading the Bible daily. Or maybe a daily devotional.

Regret, shame, self-loathing, anything negative is a weapon used by the Enemy to keep us from our full potential. He takes a speck of negativity in our heart and runs with it. It's seen in the moments when you feel unworthy of God and that you need to be punished in some way for doing what you've done. Its Spiritual Warfare, and the Enemy wants us to be weighed down. If we doubt ourselves, we can't be close to God nor do the wonderful things He has planned for us. And how dare he think he has that much control?! We are children of a mighty, loving God. And we are a threat to the Enemy! If we weren't than he wouldn't bother filling you with doubt and regret. There are many versus I've read that tells us to rejoice when struggles like this come because we are blessed.

Don't ever feel that God can't use you, sweetie. In fact, once you feel Spiritually sound and that your relationship with God has grown, I won't be surprised if God won't use this to do exactly what you sought out to do: leading other to God and by example. You will understand how these people feel, what it was like to fall into a situation like that, and you can be an example that they too can have something better. But you need to do it when God leads you to. It sounds like you need to come to terms with some things. And that's not a bad thing! What a wonderful thing it is for our Father to show us that we are worthy to be corrected! He's shown you a truth not so that you can be weighed by regret, but so that you can have a new and better life. He is molding you into a new creation, something even more precious that He can use for such wonderful things!

You have so much great potential. I don't need to know you to know that, because we all do. God know this and He will use us all in our own special way that he has planned. Our Father is standing right in front of you, waiting and speaking. You can hear it in the moment's when you said "it is easy to come back." or "I have forgiven." or "I have never left you." It was in the moment when every night you laid down and He whispered "Stop... come back to me." You felt his Words, and they were so soft, weren't they? He's in the little things.. the whispers...

Maybe you do something else that I do... I put human qualities. For instance... if I've wronged a human half as much as I've wronged God, they would have put me away, disliked me, and left me. But God doesn't work like that and we may know this, but we are so used to humans that such a loving and forgiving individual is a hard concept to grasp. It's something that I struggle with...

I'm honestly going through something similar in feeling unworthy of God, His love, and His forgiveness. We can only overcome this by seeking God and finding fellowship. So let's do our best to encourage each other so that we may be closer and more use to God! happy.gif
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