IPB
 
Infinite Menus, Copyright 2006, OpenCube Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

 
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> Advice Concerning Husband, Feeling desperate!
debsinger
post Dec 4 2006, 08:50 AM
Post #1


Newbie
*

Group: Members
Posts: 1
Joined: 4-December 06
Member No.: 187



I need help! My husband and I have been married for 9 months and he is a wonderful, Godly man. We attend the church I grew up in, which is the total opposite of what he grew up in. He feels like everyone there likes me and knows me and they don't really accept him. He says they expected me to marry someone who would fit in there perfectly and be just like them and that they think I married a loser. He won't get involved. He hasn't become a member yet, doesn't act interested in being there, and hardly speaks to anyone. I have told him that I would go somewhere else, but he doesn't want to take me away from my church family. He says he likes it there. He struggles terribly with insecurity and feeling awkward. It's all in his mind. No matter what I say, I can't get through to him. He loves the Lord, and is a great Christian and a wonderful husband, but this really puts a strain on our life together. He knows he struggles with things, but doesn't really trry to fix them because he says he will just fail again. I knew he had problems with this when we got married, but they have gotten worse. I don't know what to do. We may be moving out of state, and in some ways it may be good for us to starts in a new church together. But, if he has this much trouble around people he already knows, won't it be worse around strangers? I am very involved in my church, but would gladly go somewhere else if it would help him. He won't get involbved. Does anyone have some advice? I love my husband more than anything and I want to help him through this. Please help me!
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Glen
post Dec 4 2006, 11:03 AM
Post #2


Administrator
****

Group: Root Admin
Posts: 863
Joined: 13-July 06
From: Camino (Apple Hill) California, USA
Member No.: 1



Hi Deb! Please forgive me if my advice is a little surprising but you should have gotten this in premarital counseling. You each have expectations about marriage you developed in childhood. Soon after marriage you discover these expectations are in conflict. The Bible says two become one in marriage...that means one whole person's expectations have got to go. The Bible also says we are to love, forgive, bear with, help, pray for and build up each other. It doesn't say we are to fix each other. In fact, Jesus said we are to fix ourselves before we try to fix someone else. So, what I tell all the young couples I counsel...once you're perfect, you have my permission to suggest ways your spouse might improve.

It may be that the reason your husband is becoming more insecure is because the person he loves most in the whole world keeps telling him how he needs to improve. Did you do this while you were dating or did it start after the wedding?

Think of it from his standpoint for a moment. He's attending a church he doesn't like, with people he can't relate to, who he thinks are judging him, where he can't get away from your family for more than a week...all because he loves you. I wouldn't add any more pressure than that. Have you considered being less involved and spending your church time with him so he'll be more comfortable? Have you considered not attending church until you find one you're both comfortable in? Really, marriage is about changing ourselves to accommodate the needs of our spouse. it's the only way our own needs can truly be met. I hope this helps.


--------------------
Love & Hugs,
Glen


Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

Reply to this topicStart new topic

 

- Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 28th March 2024 - 03:24 PM
IPS Driver Error

IPS Driver Error

There appears to be an error with the database.
You can try to refresh the page by clicking here