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> Seperation Depressed
tmanqz
post Jun 6 2008, 11:40 PM
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Hello brothers and sisters,
I thank God I found a great place like this to ask for prayer and encouragement. My wife informed me tonight she wants a seperation.
We have been struggling with intimacy and communication issues for many years but were starting to make progress through counciling and prayer.
I'm shocked and devasted. I love her and my stepson very much and the thought of loseing them makes sick to my stomach.
I pray that matter what happens my wife will let my stepson be part of my life. I will not a abandon him.
The one think that keeps me going is my trust in God. He is my strength. I cant change what my wife wants to do, but as long as I put my faith in the Lord
I'll will be fine. My wife will be the one wondering why she let this man of God get away someday, as she trys to train another husband.
I guess I'm a bit angry at this moment.
Part of me wants to keep trying, to persue and court and rekindle the romance, but part me wants to say the heck with it and dont even bother trying.
Say goodbye and go our seperate ways.
I've always been willing to accept her as she is and if she never change ,I was okay with her(I new this before I married her), unfortunately she never felt the same way.
So any advice would be nice, at this point Im ready to say dont let the door hit you in the butt on the way out, you take your half, I'll take my half, I keep the house I paid for and we'll fight it out over the dog.
As you can tell Im a bit bitter right now.,
I feel my wife who likes to call herself a Christian does not understand the meaning of the marriage covanant.
Its her second marriage, my first.
Marriage to me ment for life, unless adultry or abuse or a non believeing spouse wanted out. This is NOT the case.
Its a matter of poor communication and intimacy,which Im willing to work on. My wife cant make it through a book(Love and Respect) without putting i tdown because its to hard,she's not ready for it yet. But Im the problem according to her.
Ive been to shrinks,pasters, councilers and they say I have no mental problems accept mild depression, because of marriage problems.(go figure)
My wife went to one female counciler and talked about how messed up I am.
Thats my story.
Im asking for PRAYER, advice and encouragement as I sleep on the basement couch until things get sorted out.

PS: I love this web sight, Im glad the Lord directed me here.

God Bless




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semi
post Jun 7 2008, 10:50 AM
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You ain't married to my ex-wife are you? (Just kidding)

Truthfully, you have a very good attitude about this. You are right, she is going to do what she wants to do. For some reason she has concluded some things in her mind which construe and exaggerate the facts. So, simplistically in her mind, she has a problem - get rid of you: problem solved.

She will find that once she has dumped you, she will still have the problem. Even so, she will not realize that she is the problem - she will work it around until it is somehow still your fault.

That says to me that she has some personal objective and you are an obstacle to achieving it. So my opinion is that her discontent really has not much to do with you.

Since you have dome all the counseling (more than I would have likely done), there is little left that can be done except Pray that God’s Will be done.

Sorry I couldn’t be of more help, counseling is mot my field.

May God’s Will be done and may you be at Peace with it.

Shalom.
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Glen
post Jun 8 2008, 03:52 AM
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Semi said pretty much everything. I'm very sorry this has happened. Whether she eventually leaves or stays, my concern is for you to learn everything you can from this experience. That's going to require you to consider things anger isn't allowing right now. There is no relationship where one person doesn't have to change to accommodate the other. This is why the Bible describes marriage as difficult in ministry...we have two first priorities. It's normal at this point to see things as all you or all her. I pray God give you the eyes to see from His perspective, so, if He feels there are things you should change, you can do so.

If there is some chance for the relationship, may I recommend three Scriptures for you to pray about and ask God how He would tell you to apply these Scriptures to you as a husband? Philippians 2:1-4, 1 Cor. 13:4-10, Eph 5:25 When everyone insists on their own way and their own will, there is no chance for a relationship, but, if there is the giving and self-sacrifice in marriage, called for by God, He has the opportunity to make a miracle and turn two people into one. I'm praying for all of you.


--------------------
Love & Hugs,
Glen


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