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> Uncertain Life Path
kricky517
post Sep 27 2012, 04:36 AM
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I am new here. I have a 23 month old daughter. I had my daughter out of wedlock. I listened to people for many years saying that not everything in the bible is true and that having sex out of wedlock is okay. I have had a few spiritual awakenings but have slipped back into my sins shortly afterward. After I had my daughter I was so in tuned to her needs that I pushed her dad away. I was not interested in sex or any type of affection. I had begun to realize that he wasn't exactly who I thought he was. I had thought he was gonna be a great dad but he left most of her care to me. I am not saying he does not spend any time with her. When he is there, he is a great dad. But he isn't there much.
So by the time I was ready to begin healing our relationship, he had become angry. He wanted sex of course. By this time however, I had been reading the bible and had come to the realization that I needed to stop listening to what other people said about the bible and start to think for myself. I do not want to live in sin any longer. When I told him why I did not want to have sex, he told me I needed to stop pretending I was someone I wasn't.
He does know Jesus, but he loves his sin so much that he does not want to hear the truth. He has had some amazing spiritual experiences but he still wants to pick and choose what is true to him in the bible.
We had been living with his parents since before our daughter was born. His father passed away over a year ago. So we were still living with his step mom. He got hurt in the military and he is possibly going to be sent to a base to get help. So we had decided that when that happened, that I our daughter and I would live with my family. We had been having issues with his stepmom. She would always complain about things in the household and was pretty mean on occasion. I had begun to feel sick to my stomach whenever she would come home. One day, she started to yell at me in front of my daughter and that is when I had had enough. So my daughter and I moved in with my sister. Soon after I realized that my sisters home was not safe for my daughter so we moved in with my aunt.
My daughter's dad and I decided before I had left that I would apply for food stamps and cash assistance when I moved. After he found out that if I applied for cash assistance that the state would come after him for child support, he got really ticked off and started to say that he would take me to court to get half custody of our daughter. I did not understand why he was being so mean. He even went so far to say that he could try to get full custody of her. Though I knew that he was just trying to scare me and control me, I withdrew my application for cash assistance. So now he comes to visit maybe once a week and he buys stuff she needs and helps out a lot financially.
I do understand why he was angry in that he did not see this as a permanent move and separation. Child support just sounds so much like separation and it probably scared him and with him any negative emotions come out as anger.
When we were living together, I slept in my daughters room and we never really touched or told each other we loved each other. Mainly we were just housemates that saw each other once in a while. I was left with all the care of my daughter. After I moved, he would pretty much call every day and he started to tell me he loved me.
This kind of thing has happened in the past when we have been "separated". When he went to training for the military, he wrote to me about how he wanted to get married and all that. When he came home, he took me for granted once more and told me that i would need to do a bunch of stuff before he would consider marrying me, like getting my drivers license and full time job. Truthfully, I think it was just a stalling technique.
Anyway, I am just hanging by a thread right now having no idea what to do. I work online but do not make much money. I want to find a job but I need my daughter in daycare. I am on a list for low income daycare but I do not know when I will be at the top of the list. I just feel stuck.
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Xanys
post Mar 27 2013, 11:24 PM
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Unfortunately... I don't think I will be much help for you because there are a few things I'm still working out myself on what God would want. However, I will give what I know and pray that God will give you someone better soon. Also, I have some personal experiences with people expecting/demanding sexual things from me so forgive me if I'm I seem a little too passionate and defensive for you case...

It definitely sounds like the relationship with this man isn't a healthy one. I suggest at the very not giving him the impression that this is a typical relationship. You have the right to refuse sex, you have the right to say what makes you uncomfortable, and he has no right to speak for God. I mentioned this verse to another member earlier: Luke 6:43-45 says, “No good tree bears bad fruit, nor bad tree bears good fruit…The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.”

A lot of the things this man says seems like it is "bad fruit," which means he is not spiritually sound with God. One of the biggest things that stood out to me was when you brought God's guidance to him and he said not to be someone you weren't. 1 Corinthians 2:14 says, "But people who aren't spiritual can't receive these truths from God's spirit. It all sounds foolish to them and they can't understand it, for only those who are spiritual can understand what the Spirit means."

You say he knows Jesus and I won't doubt this since I don't know the man. However, I believe he is one of several Lost Christians in our modern age. There are many out there who think God is just knowing Jesus and asking for forgiveness. However, its deeper than that. Its about a relationship with God and doing what is right BECAUSE you know Jesus. Lost Christians are people who got to the "accepting Jesus" part, but never bothered to go deeper. Being a Christian is more about bettering yourself and doing the right thing through God, and helping others just comes along with it. When you don't do this, you produce the "bad fruit" that was mentioned earlier.

How you want this man in your life--whether through marriage or not--is between you and God. However, a healthy distance as you build a stronger relationship with God and make a better life for you and your daughter isn't a bad thing.

Now... its hard for me to say what you should do with your life because that's something God will reveal to you. But first, you have to continue seeking Him out and building a relationship with Him. When you continue doing that, everything just falls into place. Let me give you my testimony as an example:

I'm in my second year of college and really getting sick of working in fast food. What had my life become? Get up, go to class, chop onions for a living, homework, sleep, repeat. I was tired of it. I wanted so much more out of life. I was a Lost Christian at this point, too, and I kept having this feeling of being tired and worthless in my life. So, for some random moment, I turned to God and said, "I have done everything else, except go to You, so what the heck. I'm lost. Can you help me?" I prayed for a good hour or two before falling asleep. When I woke up, I had the notion to seek out tutoring at my college. Never really crossed my mind before, didn't really care for it, didn't really like the idea of teaching... but I did it anyways. Everything just fell into place. All I had to do was sign some papers and BAM! got $800+ a month and found out it was something that I ADORED! I love helping people and those that I tutored would be so lost and ready to give up in their academics. And within a few sessions, they would come to me with the biggest grins--tears of happiness sometimes--holding a paper with a big fat A where a big fat F used to be. In the process, all my students not only came for academics, but they found that I had a listening ear. They would all smile and say that they knew they could come to me for help because of a tiny half-inch barely visible cross that I wore as a necklace all the time. I would wear huge rings and necklaces over it, and that cross still out shown ANYTHING that I wore. WOW! What a beautiful thing that God used someone as simple as me through something so tiny. Many people would even make fun of me for wearing my cross and I was happy because that was a door to talk about God with them. The more I pursued my relationship with God, the more doors he opened in Bible Studies, church, mission trips, fellowships, and more! All this lead to the one moment of "I have done everything else, except go to You, so what the heck. I'm lost. Can you help me?"

So continue seeking Him, sweetie, and never let the world tell you you're wrong! You are a beautiful person with a powerful and loving God on your side. Build a relationship with God; make him your Father, Teacher, Friend and even Husband before anyone else. Along the way, He will show you wonderful things and get you to where you need to be. =)
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