I Ruined Christmas...again, All my Mom wanted was a nice Christmas..... Rating Options

[drsamyabby]

I m an addict. Drugs, alcohol.....you name it I've been addicted to it. It began at age 16. At 21, I got two DUI's in four days. The last one was on Christmas Eve.

I have struggled with this for so long. Disappointing, lying, manipulating, my family for over 10 years.

After a long period of sobriety, and one week before Christmas, I ran into some old 'Friends', and found myself smoking methamphetamines. And as usual, I couldnt

Stop.

I stayed awake for at least 3 solid nights before Christmas Day. My parents found me wrapping gifts at 6 am in the living room, I was still not finished.

My Mom ofund my meth pipe. I was a crazy fool Christmas Day. In front of extended family as well.I dont remember much.

My family thinks I dont love them. I feel like a monster. I crushed the pipes I had this morning. Ive asked our Savior for strength and forgiveness.

I was baptized on Christmas Day 2006. This last week I really lost my way. I hurt te people I love the most. I am HUMILIATED. I want to run away.

I had a church approved divorce 4 years ago. I remained chaste for those four years. Last week I broke that vow as well. With the drug dealer, with whom I have

deep feelings for. I don't know if those feelings are real, or just a symptom of the drug abuse, and now the crash. The day after I brok my chastity vow This guy was

Supposed to come jump start my car. I havent heard from him since 'the night it happened.'


I am so ashamed of myself.

Can I make this right with my family? How? Has God forgiven me? I truly do not feel worthy. A drug dealer wont even call me back, why sould my family ever look

me in the eye again, or smile at me? The pain I feel inside right now leaves me almost NO OPTION other than to do more drugs. Then I won't feel.

Anyone have any wordsof encouragement? The only "friends" I have deal drugs.

Thank you