I am 30 years old, and I was blessed to be raised in a Christian family. I consider myself to be a good Christian, but all my life, I have dealt with one personal, moral struggle. Namely, the fight against the sin of lust. I’m not going to rant about my relationship history, but the short version is that as soon as I was taught about sex as a child, I was taught about what the Bible says about it. Because of this, I have always been committed to waiting until marriage to have sex. I’ve succeeded in that. The problem is that I also know that lust is a sin, and as impossible as remaining celibate has seemed, doing the same for lust…I don’t have a CLUE how to fight this battle. I imagine that if I was married and could come home and sleep with my wife every night, or even every few nights, I could control my thoughts the rest of the time, or at least direct them to only think about my wife.

The problem is that right now, for personal reasons, marriage just isn’t in the cards for me. Hopefully, next year, that will change, but right now, it there are just too many road blocks. So what do I do? I can’t simply “stop thinking about it.” I mean, I can to a point. But I’m a heterosexual male living in a nation full of very attractive, very sexual women. I can keep myself from sleeping with them, I can keep myself from touching them, but I can’t keep myself from seeing them, and because of that, I can’t keep myself from ever thinking about them.

For a long time, I just gave up, got into porn, and told myself “well, it’s better than actually having sex.” But I’m trying to refocus myself. I deleted my porn, and I tried to just control myself. But what I found was that after about a week of trying not to masturbate, my thoughts because not only more and more sexual (and difficult to suppress), but more and more aggressive. I was becoming grouchy and on edge. I even had a lot of sleep issues. It just wasn’t working. So then, I thought “well, technically, the bible says nothing about masturbation itself. It’s the accompanying lustful thoughts that are the problem.” Unfortunately, I found myself unable to masturbate to completion without lustful thoughts.

So what do I do? I don’t have a wife to take care of me. I become an aggressive jerk if I don’t masturbate every once in a while, which makes me feel bad about myself. I can’t masturbate without thinking of SOMETHING; which makes me feel bad about myself. I’m going crazy here. Please advise me.

I think you need help with this problem. Have you considered the possibility that you are a sex addict? Find out if you are an addict if so seek a 12 step group or therapy or both.

First of all, I don't think your problem is that you're a sex addict... although that's all relative to a persons opinion but whatever.

You are a guy. Nothing is more wrong with you than anyone else besides that fact you are human. I would believe that a majority of guys have this same problem except most of them don't see anything wrong with it. The fact that you do see something wrong is respectable, as well as your decision to keep it until marriage. That's becoming more rare today it seems like, but anyway. I can't say that I am perfect by any means in this area, but I have realized a few things that make it easier for me.

1. Pray

2. A lot

3. One thing that can be one of the hardest, but most rewarding, is finding a Christian friend to talk about this with and explain your problems to. Not just someone to confess to once, but someone that can help you get through the battle. One problem can be finding someone like this where things won't be awkward.. another is finding one that can even recognize that it's a problem. Sometimes this can be embarrassing but if you have a true friend they won't take it like that. You'll probably know which person that is if you really think about it, but if not don't stress over it, God is always there to listen.

4. Understand that you are human and you make mistakes like everyone else, this is not an unnatural or uncommon problem. If you find yourself lusting in anyway try to go straight to prayer.. don't feel like you aren't "worthy" at the time because that is the opposite of what he wants. God forgives you and understands your problems.. try to hand all of your stress over to him. That is what he wants from you, not to feel guilty and fret over anything but to grow in a relationship with him!

As for the anger issue you encounter when rebounding from your addictions, you need to try to consciously think about whatever you are going to say/do when you feel that way. At times like that for me I almost begin to feel like I am not getting something I deserve, but that isn't the issue at all. When I realize I am fighting my problems to do what is right, it calms me down a bit. If that doesn't work, try take out your anger in prayer.. vent to God like you would a best friend.

It is also scientifically proven that if you go a long period away from ANY addiction, things will become much easier to control. Things will take time and it may be hard, but God does not let us go through anything we cannot handle.

If you do decide it is time to get married to someone, I'm sure things will become easier.. at least easier to direct your thoughts to your wife.. although I wouldn't really know. But anyway I'm sure it would help, God intended for sex for be a good thing and I am sure someday it will be for you. You're a part of his plan so whatever happens, don't stress!

I hope this helps you some, and anyone else going through the same type of problem. You're in my prayers.

"Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall." Psalm 55:22