I have started this letter several times before but could not finish because of my disgust, broken heart, and loss of words.. (and if you can read the whole letter,, you are a Saint)
About one year ago I met , who I thought was the most wonderful, beautiful, trustworthy woman I had EVER known . I had not dated for three years prior to this just to 'clear my thoughts' , after a family loss. Her name was Christine,(what a more trustworthy name?) .. She pursued me strongly, as I did her,, and eventually we dated...It was perfect,,she was perfect,, I thought the world of her.. I would have given her anything and done anything for her within my means and capabilities and resources. I loved our relationship... Then one day, after about 6 months she informed me that we were breaking-up.. I couldnt figure out why for sure, but I found out shortly later that she was dating someone else (Im still not sure how long things had been going on with them). One night she came to me and informed me that she was going to have a 'date' with a 'friend' and that she "wasnt even physically attracted to him" (as she looked at the floor and shook her head),, I said "then why are you doing it?" ,, she did not answer me and the next day they had their date (cross country skiing). About three days later she called me and said she was very depressed,, .
I had been planning to go shopping and she asked if she could go with me, of course I said yes.. I had been planning this trip for months,, so she came over and she decided to drive since she had just bought a new car. Well, off we went.. (about a two hour drive) we made it to the store,, we were there for 20 minutes and she said she wanted to leave, once back inside the car she informed me that she had to go home to her house. I was upset,,, she said her boyfriend had called and that he was 'having a heart attack',, I basically said 'bull-####' but she informed me that his mother had died two days earlier,, I immediately felt sympathy and understood the situation.. So we went home..
she went on to tell me that everyone in his family was dead and that he had been divorced for years. I cant remember how many times she told me this story with tears welling -up in her eyes.. " "he had no-one,, his Mama had just died, his brothers were dead, his Dad was dead,, no one in his family had ever lived past the age of 57,, and he had been divorced for years..."" (remember this)
Well, after this, she continued to come to my house, call me, e-mails etc. we went out for drinks,, worked in the garden,, cooked dinner, lunch,, she gave me hair-cuts,, and Much more.. we continued to see each other for almost two months.. her boyfriend was only around every-other weekend (if that) and a couple days a week,, She NEVER went to his house (about an hour and a half away), and basically complained about him everytime we were together.. I COULDNT FIGURE IT OUT!!! It was so strange, .. She said he was unhealthy and "broken",, she would drop him off at the chiropractor and spend the time with me. I WAS AT A TOTAL LOSS,, I mean,, she could have had me???!!!
THEN,,, oneday I was talking with a mutual friend and he 'spilled the beans" ,, he informed me that her boyfriend was still married and his wife knew nothing!!!!!! I was floored and at the same time relieved,,,, now I understood,, it was all lies to cover-up his married life. (and extreme insecurity) . In addition to that, his mother had been dead for years,, he had a brother who was in his 60's (way beyond 57),, and he Was in fact married... (SO many Lies),, I couldnt believe it. Why,, WHy,, ??? The truth would have been better.. But, he is wealthy,, and can offer her more than I can,, so I understand.


NOW, HERE IS THE WORST PART..... She is a Minister, Chaplain, Pastor,,, she has performed weddings for people I work with..... NOW do you understand why I trusted her with ALL my heart.. When I met her I thought "thank God",, finally a woman I can trust and feel 'safe' with,, someone to spend life with..***.What a joke,,, she told me things about people who confided in her abouit their personal lives and problems.. I told her she shouldnt be telling me or anybody else about these things, but she did.. I know personal things about people I never wanted to know and dont want to know,, I feel so used and made a fool of it hurts... I didnt deserve this,, I just wanted and trusted in a person of a higher standard.. I put her right up there next to God.. totally good and trustworthy,, and what did I get??? What I have told you is only the "tip of the iceburg"... she led me on,, and kept me hanging on for two months... Telling her jealous boyfriend that she never heard from me or saw me.. when all the time she was with me too.... It was all a lie.. I thought that maybe there was a chance for me/us, but all along she was just keeping me around because he COULDNT be around.
How can I trust or repect any religious position again?? But I know I must.

I hate that this happens so often, i.e. a person in a position of religious leadership betrays the trust that comes with that position. It makes me angry and fearful to trust other people in general, let alone someone in one of these positions!

But then I think that this is exactly the kind of feeling I should NOT be having. There are terrible people in this world; most of them in the most unlikely of places. What are we told to do though? Turn the other cheek and offer it up to be slapped as well. Pray for her. Tell her that she is wrong to do what she does in relation to the married man. She will be angry. She will be hurt. And she may cut you out of her life. But you can not live your own life with the guilt of having to keep her secrets.

As a matter of kindness and fellowship with those in your church, you should report the fact that she repeats things that have been shared with her in confidence. Is there a higher position in the church to which she is answerable? Not only is she breaking faith with her congregation, but she is breaking faith with her obligations and vows as a leader and teacher of the Christian faith. This is a big deal and not something that should be taken lightly.

I will pray that God grant this woman peace and the strength to overcome these dire personal faults. I will also pray that you will find someone who is truly worthy of your admiration and love.
FS