Dearest Struggling, I pray you are still checking your replies. I fondly term what you are speaking of as "when the wind stops blowing." In my own personal experience it's God's attempt to draw you closer than ever before by withholding His very essence. I have found myself in this particular situation and have had to pull myself up by my bootstraps and pursue Him harder. He says knock and I will open the door, seek Me and you will find me. God is without spot or wrinkle and must honor His word. Therefore I feel confident to promise you that by knocking and seeking with due diligence that you will find. After a very painful period such as you are describing, it became apparent that He wanted me dependant upon Him and takes pleasure when we (in the absence of the wind) pursue Him with all our strength. It's easy to pursue Him and be engaged with Him when we feel His presence so strongly but difficult when we cannot. This, I think, is the essence of faith. We cannot please Him without it, so it's natural that He would test us on it. At the end of the day, it serves to make us stonger. It's sort of like bootcamp-being pushed beyond your normal limits so in time of trial-you know you can do it. God tests us for our benefit-so we know what we can do. He already knows as He is the beginning and the end. It's really for our own edification. You have been exposed in the military-to people who push you and put you thru things to make you stronger at the end of the day... How much more does the Lord care for you? He's pushing you to push back closer to Him. True, sin can separate us and that which is not of faith is sin, but the Lord is SLOWWW to anger and does not keep it forever. His essence is love and everything He does is from love and He loves you. He knows you are strong and is placing you in a situation where you can demonstrate to yourself that you can pursue Him with all that you are even when the wind doesn't blow. I've been there... and my initial mistake was feeling like I had done something wrong or that He no longer wanted to speak to me. God loves us so much and knows we are growing. Withholding himself sometimes is an excercise for your own edification-He wants you CLOSE!!!! He's waiting for you to pull yourself up and get Him!! His arms are open and He's calling you. And he know's you can do it, he's just waiting for you to find out for yourself that you can!!!! I know it's painful and I think everyone has experienced it. In my experience everything He does, he tries to show me something. Sometimes, I'm a slow learner.
But now, when I'm going thru something, I look for what He's trying to show me and sometimes it moves me quicker to His objective. (Sometimes..!) God Bless you and I'll keep you in my prayers. Go pull on those bootstraps!!!! He's waiting on you.
In Christ, Autumn