I'm very thankful that I've found a forum like this and definitely need your prayers!
I have caused my wife so much pain over the last 8 years of our marriage that it still makes me sick to think about it. We have 3 beautiful children that I wouldn't trade for anything!
I have never cheated on her, been abusive or anything like that. However.. I have been demanding and have hurt her in other ways such as constant complaining and basically just being selfish.
After a lot of prayer and asking God to show me what I need to do to repair this... I was amazed at what God had shown me. God enabled me to look at myself through her eyes and see the damage that I was doing to our marriage. I've spent many teary eyed nights going back over certain events that had taken place and really can't believe that I could be that way.
God showed me what I was doing wrong and enabled me to make big changes in my thought processes and how I handle things. My wife has really noticed the changes and I know that she is thankful for all that has occurred.
Whith that said.. 8 years of pain has left her hollow inside and I know that she hasn't completely forgiven me for what I've done. I want so much to be able to repair those years and am doing everything I can to show her how much I love her. She knows that I'm not the same person anymore and also knows that I'd never be that way again. However.. she's having a hard time getting over the past. I thank God every day that he was able to help me to change into what I am today which is what I should have been like since day 1.
My prayer request is that God would somehow soften Allison's heart and help her to really forgive me fully. This is something that will probably take time and I'm definitely more than willing to give her all that she needs. I can't say I'm sorry to her enough. I miss the way that I used to make her laugh and how much we used to sit at home at nights and enjoy just being together.
I pray daily that it can be this way once again.
Thank You For Your Prayers!

Bryan

Hi Bryan,

I believe God honors the fact that you were humble enough to admit your mistake about mistreating your wife and causing her pain. I have been in abusive realtionships myself in the past and can relate to how your wife is feeling. There is nothing that you can do about the past. You cannot unscramble eggs. Just lovingly tell your wife that you want to leave the past behind and look foward to a wonderful future with her. Forgiveness will come with time so be patient with her and let God change her heart toward you. Also, do not get discouraged and give up when you do not see the results immediatley. I would suggest praying for her and with her and your children. And loving her like Christ loved the church by giving yourself to her spiritually and emotionally everday. Again, don't beat yourself up over the past. God has forgiven you and he will fix your situation. Just do your part and you will see her smile again.

God Bless You,
Orlena

Thank you so much for your reply Orlena!
I have been doing exactly what you have stated by being there for here spiritually and emotionally every day for about 3 months now.
She knows that I've changed in a big way. Maybe it's not fair to say that "I" changed but rather God changed me. Allison knows that I'll never go back to the way that I used to be.
I always tried to soften the blow by telling myself that I wasn't abusive. I never hit her or was verbally abusive. But through my actions and how I handled things is where I was causing the pain.
Now I sit here this morning with tears in my eyes and think that maybe I was abusive if only through those actions. I can't stop crying over the way that I've made her feel. In a way it's as if I'm now feeling the pain that she went through over the years. Maybe that's a good thing.
I have gotten discouraged at times over the last 3 months which I need to get a handle on.
She has said the very thing that you have said... "Give me time".
I pray that God will allow her to be receptive someday. I pray that she will soften her heart and one day fully let go of the past and really forgive me.
I'll continue to be there for her and show her all the love that I can give forever!

Bryan

Hi Bryan! My wife and I were just commenting on how you're doing just the right things. I counsel every husband and going to be husband on one Scripture that, if followed, gives the best likelihood of a happy and successful marriage. Eph 5:25 "Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her." Keep giving yourself up and putting your needs and wants second, on faith that God will warm Allison's heart again. I can tell you from personal experience, after almost destroying our marriage and doing what you're doing...God is faithful. We've just celebrated our 20th anniversary and looking forward to the next 20.

Place no demands or expectations on Allison more than she places on herself...not even the expectation of forgiveness. Focus all your efforts on her needs and wants. It may take years, like with us, but the rewards are unimaginable. You've got our prayers.