I've been battleing the divorce decision for 2 years now. We've been married 14 1/2 years now. Before we got married (I was 19) he made a promise to me on something that was extremely important to me. He knew I did not want to have anything to do with drugs, and he quit. Then 2 years into our marriage I discovered he was back to doing 1 of them. He told me it was for the pain and he didn't do it often, and he would eventually quit again. We battled this issue every year. Then I thought he had quit 4 years ago while we where trying for our 2nd child. I found out in Feb 2009, that he hadn't. That was my last straw. I had put up with it long enough and I felt I needed to leave to protect our daughter. But, there was a circumstance that kept me hanging in there. We had just moved into our dream home , but the other home hadn't sold yet and we were paying 3 mortgages. I tried to talk to him, but he would just keep telling me that I needed to accept him for who he was. I did that for 13 years, but felt I was the only one involved in this marriage. It always revolved around him. I told myself that I had to protect our daughter so after the old house sold I was going to leave if he didn't change. As time went on and no offers on the home, my heart grew colder and colder towards him. When we got married, I didn't go to church. I was raised in a good Christian home but he wasn't. He wouldn't go to church with me and I didn't want to go alone, so I didn't. Since my last straw in Feb 2009 I started getting back into church. I felt this was needed for our daughter and for my troubled soul. He still wouldn't go. I found a great church and have been going on a regular basis. Then something happened in October 2009 that hardened my heart towards him even more. I grew cold. Then in November, we got into it and he said we needed to do something about it. I said fine. Then we had several talks and he said he'd change. Well, he went to church twice but said he wasn't comfortable going so he quit. More broken promises.

I've been through counselling and tried to get him to go but that didn't work out. He said it would make him look back. He also feels he has to work 24/7 so he can be rich and retire by the time he's 50. In the meantime, our daughter, now 7, is growing and he's missing out on her life. Everyday gets worse. I'd rather be at work or church, then home. When I'm around him, I feel this evil black cloud around me. It's hard to talk to him. We don't communicate, and no matter what I say, or how I feel about something, especially if it involves our daughter, it doesn't matter to him. It's always his way. Neither one of us will comprimise for the other anymore. We are only still together for our daughter. We don't love each other anymore. Our daughter is being raised in a loveless home, except for our love for her. I'm so torn on what to do. I feel I've tried for almost 2 years. We've drifted apart for so long. I don't see any hope in resolving this. He bad mouths church in front of our daughter. He says he's a christian and prays everyday, but doesn't feel he has to go to church and learn the gospel. He doesn't read the bible either. He's been that way his whole life, and I've really lost hope in that changing. We've talked, but it just ends up in an arguement. Our daughter feels the tension and it's starting to affect her. I feel that for her sake we need to end this, but I also know that will tear her apart. As for me, I'm already falling apart. I'm battling depression and more. I'm miserable. I have always put others before myself. It's hard for me to do that with the way I'm feeling. How can I be a good mother when I feel this way. I've been unhappy for 2 years and I can see the affect of it on her. Why would God want this? Why would he want me to stay? I don't feel I can be all I need to be for God if I stay. I'm so torn.

Hi Emotional,
Your post came to me today and as I read it I really wanted to give you a good word from the Lord. I feel that I am unqualified to give advice since marriage is such a sacred thing that I would not want to steer you wrong. If I may however voice some concerns in the hopes of helping you in your decision. My own past experiences with some when I sought for help is that even well meaning folks tend to give advice based on their own needs and desires and not on the needs of the person seeking help. Sometimes well meaning people want to give you advice they think you want to hear and in your emotional state you might make the wrong choice. By reading your post I can see you are a very sensitive and intelligent person who has been carrying this hurt for a long time. I am also new to Christian Forums and I am not even remotely judging anyone here but am just communicating some concerns I have had because of my own past experiences with others elsewhere during my lifetime. Yours is such a delicate issue, my hope is that you would fast and pray and wait on the Lord to give you a solution. His answer may come through a revelation or through godly advice from a multitude of godly Christian people or in some other way. Those who are well versed in the bible and believe and practice God's word in their marriage life usually understand that the marriage covenant before God is sacred. If you decide to seek out more "professional" counseling be careful as some marriage counselors can do more harm than good. Once my wife and I went to a marriage counselor and straight out of his mouth without even hearing us speak he said, "So you want a divorce?" He was at the time considered a really good counselor but my wife and I knew that his insensitivity revealed he was not for us. We really did want to be helped. By your post you show you are very sincere in doing the Lord's will and know He is with you. God loves you very much and you are and have been very brave in sticking it out this long. Clearly the problem lies with your husband and if you did belong to a church group he should be held accountable for his mishandling of the marriage. I think he needs to know what God expects from him as a husband and needs to repent since he has abandoned the biblical framework of what it is to be the head of the home and the spiritual head of the family. The Christian movie "Fireproof" comes to mind and possibly seeking out their ministry help and having your husband watch the movie especially if you gave him the ultimatum of a possible divorce might wake him up to reality. Are you familiar with the movie "Fireproof" with Kirk Cameron? It is a seriously done movie made to help marriages on the brink of divorce and I know that the ministry also gives other resources in helping your marriage. They don't allow us to post links but you can do a web search of the movie "Fireproof".


I will be praying for you and your husband. Trust and wait on the the Lord, he is coming to help you! God bless you sister!

Tearick, Thank you for your reply. Yes, we have watched Fireproof. In fact, it was my husband who went and rented it a year ago. Good movie. At that time I was so so so heart broken. I thought it was a great movie, but didn't feel it would work for us. He has gone back to some of his other projects that takes him away from his family. I'm so hurt, that I'm really having a hard time opening my heart back up to him. We were opposite when we met/married and now we are even further opposite. It's gotten to the point where I feel some big change is needed in him, and I know one of those is not something I want to ask of him because it's what he loves to do. But, it's something I can't deal with anymore. I'm so glad he has quit the drug, but he quit cold turkey, and I feel he only quit for me and not himself which is what he did before. However, I do still have my doubts, and major trust issues. There have been several times where I thought he had and I only asked him about it 1/2 of those times. He's also big on refurbishing old trucks. The problem is he owns I believe 7 or 8 trucks and they are just sitting rusting away. He has all these dreams, but I don't see any results and am so so tired of it. I can't believe him when he says he's going to do this and that, and make this much money, etc, etc. I've heard it for so so long. It just tears me apart knowing that our daughter is involved. Then I just crumble anytime I hear him say something against the bible, etc. I just don't know how much longer I can hang on. I'm a much better person when I'm away from him. I feel like I have failed God. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I get mixed messages and it's driving me further and further into depression. I'm at the point where I think I want a trail seperation to see how things go because I know the bible does say we can seperate to try and work out our problems. My problem is I'm afraid to talk to my husband. I can't explain it, but I'm afraid to talk to him anymore.

I am hoping you will make the right choice. God is merciful and if a thing can't be remedied then for our own spiritual sakes we may need closure. Please do a study of 1 Corinthians ch. 7 and please seek truly godly help at your church. I really feel for you, please weigh this out carefully and prayerfully and meditate on the outcome of any decisions you may make. Ask yourself how this will affect your future spiritual life and those around you. God bless you sister.