i know this question has been asked before but i need to ask it as it is specific to me!

i got married at 18 and was a none believer, my wife still is but that's her choice and not my right to question that!

once i got married we had a beautiful daughter called (G) but i rejected her and made my wife's life a pure living HELL (and i dont use that word easily)

i drank and smoked and did drugs and stole as well as other terrible things, but i had my health, i was placed on medication to help with my mind and i did well, iv recovered and almost get along with G now, we had a son a short time after and he is the apple of my eye!

no im not going into the things i said and did to my wife (NOTHING illegal or physical) but just words and actions (no infidelity) as its to long and personal but it was not a good things to do!

now i believe and support my wife and our family the best i can and i have come to the conclusion that i MUST be being punished!!! its the only answer AND I WELCOME IT! i ask not of much of the Lord but when i do ask i do usually get, i gave up "fags, booze and other immoral things" in response to this and i understand that for every prayer answered i must suffer in another way or i would gain exponentially with out lose and thats not whats meant to happen!

but im suffering right now! i may have a eye condition that could cost me my sight in my one eye, i suffer anxiety and stress REALLY bad! and i have horrid people living next door (both sides) and a literal plague of Fleas has descended on us (from next doors cat that got in)

is the Lord punishing me?

or is he making me pay for prayers answered?

or is he making my soul pure for another task? (please dont think i think the Lord has chosen me for some special task or such like)


if any of the above apply do think he would spare my small family and allow my suffering to benefit them even though they dont believe???

P.S any bad spelling due to dyslexia