Hi my name is jessica and i am 22 years old. i am looking for answers. my story is that on jan 12, 2008 i was 18 i got bacterial meninigitis and they had to put me into a drug induced coma for 5 days and i was on life support for over a week. couple weeks later i was released to go home, but when the took the central line out of my heart it was infected and the result from that was within 10 seconds i couldnt breathe and that was all i knew. 5 days later i awake again in the icu in houston. they had told me my heart stopped and both of my lungs collaspsed due to the infetion. on feb 1 2008 i was sent home (i was sent home really to early because i did not have any insurance). for a month i couldnt lay flat in bed or even talk without problems. it took 3 weeks for me to be able to talk again. i couldnt walk 15 feet without falling or being able to catch my breath. that dramticaly changed my life. i was very athletic i played volleyball, softball, basketball, soccor, ran track. everyone kept/keeps telling me that since only 10% live after bacterial meninigitis, that God has a plan for me, that i was left on earth for a reason. and i believed them. the biggest reason i did was because when i was in the hospital i was woken up by someone putting their hand on my shoulder and i heard the say (are you ready its time) and when i turned over no one was in the room with me. so i just knew that had to be jesus. That fall i had to have surgery to remove cysts on my overies. About5 months later i was slowly getting my life back on track,(or so thought.) because of everything that happened to my body i was unable to work alot or good, and my brain suffered a little brain damage. over the next 2 years i had worked at 2 jobs 5 months only each, the first one i was sexually assualted by the GM. in aug 2009 ive developed fiber lumps that are painful but the dr's wont take all 5 out because they look at it as plastic surgery until it turns into cancer (oh and my mom's side is full of cancer and my dads side is my of diabetics.) On Novemeber 17 2010 i went into the er complaining of headache and vomiting, i was sent home with nausia medicine. when i went back home i was still throwing up and the head pain got worse. after another 6 hrs i went back to the er and i was diagnosed with bacterial meniningits for the second time. i was hospitalized for another 3 weeks. while in the hospital the did a series of test. the worst result is that my brain had been damaged enough to where i cannot retain anything new, and everyday it is getting hard to remember short term memory. Another bad news is that because of something wrong between my brain and spine i will keep getting meninigitis for the rest of my life the only thing we dont know is when i will strike again. In april 2011 i was throwing up blood due to a bleeding ulcer in my stomach. i was hospitalized for 3 days and had to have a blood transfuison. its now september 2011 and im always in pain. i am also bi-polar with anxiety and depressin. i dont understand why i am being put through this, i thought i was a good person, i am a organ donor, i donated blood every three months and i always put others before me. but now i feel like was rejected twice for God, because i was leagally dead and brought back to life twice. my life just keeps going down heel so i dont understand why he didnt take away and why he is punishing me? i dont know what to believe either, i just want to understand why my life is like this now.

Jessica,

God has not left you aside, he loves all his children. Bacterial Meningitis is just how he shows it. Praise Jesus, at least you're a good Christian.

Whoa, bacterial meningitis, I got that twice! I didn't get any near-death experience, though, even though I was near death. Just unconsciousness, blank. Now, to your main point:

"my life just keeps going down heel so i dont understand why he didnt take away and why he is punishing me? i dont know what to believe either, i just want to understand why my life is like this now."

One fact is clear: You're having a whole lotta hard times. No doubt about that. I hate to tell you, but there probably is no "why". Contrary to popular rumors, God does not direct everything!

It's clear from Scripture that randomness exists:

"As fish are caught in a cruel net, or birds are taken in a snare, so men are trapped by evil times that fall unexpectedly upon them." Eccl. 9:12

"For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust". Mat. 5:45

No doubt, you are writhing around inside one cru-el net, but there's no cosmic "why", probably. And God isn't punishing you. But I can make a suggestion:

Dump the "why"s and start asking "how": How does the Lord want you to respond? What is His will for you? How can you line yourself up spiritually so as to take advantage of the promise that God makes about all things working together for good to those who love Him, i.e., keep His commandments? Rom 8:28

My dad once said, "Doesn't she know that adversity builds character?" Indeed, some of the famous saints have been tested and manifested by their godly response to hardship.

A practical bit: Remember, you are the central member of your medical treatment team. So you want to get as informed as you can about all your conditions and medications, and you want to keep asking question after question after question. That's a big doctor complaint about patients: It's hard to help a patient who doesn't speak up. Medical outcomes are better when patients take as active a role as they can.