I am going to apologize now before I even start writing too much, because I am sure this will be very lengthy. I am hopeing someone will be able to help. So please abare with me, it is pretty long. I am 18 years old now, but I started dating this guy from my school in september 2009, when I was 15 going on 16. He was my first, long term, serious boyfriend. In the beginning, EVERYTHING was incredible. He was sweet, kind, loving etc. He was also into the church which was fantastic, and made me believe he was a great person. He was actually the person who helped me become more involved in the church back then. Soon after we started dating, around December..He went off with another girl and cheated on me. It was actually two days before christmas too, which I found out on Christmas eve...which left me heart brken and in tears on the Holiday. I had called him that night and he wasnt going to admit to doing anything, until later when I could tell something was wrong, and I straight out asked him- did he do anything? ( I was already insecure..) and he said honestly yes, i kissed/ made out with a girl.. So on Christmas day I spent the day bawling and sobbing, while completely heartbroken. Later Christmas day and the following days he won me back with all the apologies, and saying hed never do it again. And i DID believe him. So we got back together, and i was more insecure than ever. The next following months he secretly talked to her behind my back, when i asked him to not do so.. which he hid from me for quite awhile. Then in the span of months following, we were off and on. Then the following year in November, he met up with the same girl as the 1st time, and they went in the school bathrooms and made out.. and sent naked photos to each other etc... which he told me about that cheating episode a month later again. I wasnt surprised...but my heart truly broke and shattered again.. In the meantime my other friend and I became more involved in the church ( he stopped going and fell away it seemed). That summer up next, we had a phase where he would somewhat be the abusive guy. He sometimes shoved me, or pinned me down to where it hurt..and thankfully that phase lasted on ly a month or so. He apologized greatly and was perfectly fine after...And now we are to today. We broke again finally in April 25, 2012. Me being weak i do keep running back. One thing that both upsets and confuses me is that before the breakup and a bit after my faith was pretty strong. My realationship w/ God was better than ever had been, I was going on mission trips, and i was heavily involved in church, happy, and hanging out with fellow believers of God. After the breakup though..things changed...I became extrememly lonely...depressed...distant from God ( though is slowly improving) and all these other horrible things. I am so lost and scared now. I lost some of my good friends, the only person i live with is my dad ( mom ran away) and yea.. I also have this longing now for some guy to love me and hold me again. Id love to date a fellow christian or believer but it seems liek that will never happen. And i pathetically keep looking for a guy..tried dating websites.. going as low as revealing my body..hanging out with guys... i basically felt like i gave myself away, and not to God.. and it isnt a good feeling. Now i have stoped the websites, and the revealing, and guys.. but i still am scared i will never find an amazing husband that i can love God with. And i feel so guilty for the things i have done, and everything with this guy. And i am no perfect person either, because i flirted w. guys after he cheated on me to attempt to prove myself, which inclduded sexually joking. And honestly, I know i do not need sex etc to be happy. in fact, im OKAY without it!! But thats another things...this guy always wanted sex...and sadly I DID give in.. I have asked God for forgivness.. but still. I guess that overall I just need help trying to find a way again to find joy, peace without worrying about wanting a guy.. and a better relationship with God, and healing after a 3 yearr realtionship.....so if anyone has advice, well I would truly love it. God bless you. And thanks so much <3

Hello,

It's evident how much pain you are feeling. I am so sorry someone has treated you this way. First, let me reassure you that everything is going to be okay! I know right now that is hard to believe but your desire to grow close God again is the strongest foundation you could ever build, and having that desire above all else will turn your life around.

First you need to forgive yourself. When Jesus died on the cross for you it included all your sins, past present and future. When you put your faith and trust in him your sins are as far as the east is from the west. Guilt is satans tool so don't give him that power over you. There is not a woman on earth that has not done things they seriously regret in the name of "love" especially when you are young. So forgive yourself and give that pain a purpose in your life so that it wasn't for nothing. You can learn from this as to not fall into that same trap again. The bible is so very clear that a man should love a woman so deeply that he would give his life for her. Don't ever set your bar so low again that cheating or physical abuse would be tolerated. All of the "I'm sorry speeches in the world are not worth the hit to your self esteem. Every day you are in a relationship with the wrong guy is just one more day away from the man God has for you.

From personal experience hon I can tell you that God has the most amazing man lined up for you, however you have to be really ready for that. Right now your are hurt and insecure about being cheated on/abused. You need to love yourself first and get to the point where a man does not define your happiness. A good relationship should enhance your life... it shouldn't be your life. Only God should have that title of the "#1" in your life. When you are truly ready he will bring the one.

There is a great book called I kissed dating goodbye by Josh Harris. It really helps you to ready yourself for the mate God has for you and it also helps you to get that closeness back to God that you are craving. You could spend a lifetime trying to fill that void in your heart with one bad choice after another or you can let the one who created you change it all.

Stay involved in your church, go as much as you can. Put as much effort into your relationship with God as you would with some guy. You will see the closer you draw to him the more secure and at peace you will become. STAY AWAY from your ex!!! The best advice I can ever give you (next to keeping God as your focus) is to really listen when people tell you who they are. When he showed himself to be a liar and a cheater he showed you who he really was and what your could expect. People will show you what they are about if you pay close attention, it's your responsibility to listen and to have the courage to RUN away from someone you know is less that God's best for you. Don't EVER try to "change" some guy. Only God can change someone hon, and I assure you the man he has for you certainly will NOT be a "project" for you to fix, he loves you to much for that. He will only give you his very best, as he demonstrated by sacrificing his only son for you.

I know you can get through this. Use your heartaches as lessons to make you stronger I will be praying for you!!!!

I want to thank you so much for what you have said. It has certainly helped me, and I am very thankful that at least one person was willing to help. What you said has been a blessing, and I really hope that I will follow as you have said, along with where God wants me to be. So just overall, thank you sooo much. God bless you indeed. D

Hi,

I agree with everything HeavenMarie said. I just want to add a few things:

1) Forgiveness & move forward - forgive yourself (like heavenmarin mentioned) & forgive your ex. Forgiveness does not equal letting someone into your life again. Forgiveness has to do with the past, and whatever from that point forward is a fresh beginning. Also, if you can't find strength to forgive, it's OK, because forgiveness comes from God anyway. Come before God and admit how much you need Him, His forgiveness. Forgiveness may not come in snap of the finger, you might have to work through it for a while with God. Sometimes it might be hard, but look to Him and God will strengthen you in ways you never knew! Rest assure that God is always here to help you and heal you, we have to stay connected with Him!

2) We are created with a void that only God can fill. Anything else we try to fill it, it won't fit, or it'll simply melt away and we're out looking again. It's like drugs & addiction with that instant gratification. Guard your heart above all things, for it springs the well of life (Proverbs). I'd recommend the book "Captivating" by John & Staci Eldredge, about God's unique creation & purpose in woman.
We have to fill our heart with the right things, whatever we feed into the soil of the heart will grow out the fruit of it. Before you fill it, ask yourself will it grow an eternal fruit of the Spirit, or not? Plug in, read the Word, walk the Word, and surround yourself with people of God who walk in love mercy & justice, and focus first on growing up yourself as the woman God has created you to be. God knows us better than ourselves, He'll make sure that we learn how to crawl before we learn how to walk; or else we'd never get to learn walking if we remain in crawling. He only unfolds and reveals His purpose, plan & destiny for us to which we are capable of, but are we willing, will be the ultimate question.

3) Like HeavenMarin mentioned, you should be happy as a single person! If you can't be happy single, you'd be miserable married! Because in marriage, 1+1 >2, now what is the content of the 2 will be the question. Being single is the best opportunity to build yourself up in Godly characters to prepare you for whatever's ahead. You will face challenges in life, don't run away from it, take that as an invitation from God to grow your faith in Him!

I pray for all these things above for you! God bless you!

I meant "MighttoSave." I didn't realized "heaven marie" is the post starter's name.