Last October my boss and I attended a conference out of the state together. We never had previously talked much or gotten to know each other. This trip changed everything and we began an emotional and physical affair. We are both married and neither had ever felt this way before. He has two small children, I don't have any. Long story short I found out a few weeks ago I'm pregnant. I know what we have done is wrong, awful, sinful, and just all around bad so please don't post hurtful comments, as I am already terribly hard on myself and not proud of my decisions. My husband and I are separated and have been for about 6 months for other reasons (not the affair, he has no idea). The other man and I have contemplated all our options, almost ended up terminating the pregnancy but then at the last minute couldn't go through with it. Our other option was to admit the truth which would devastate our families. Then we came up with a middle of the road option - say that (since I've always wanted children) I went to a "bank" and used a donor. That's where things are now with me 8 weeks pregnant.

The problem is I can't stand lying to my family about this baby and its origins. I feel like the other man, who I still love and talk with, gets to keep his life in perfect order without any repercussions. I feel like if this was OUR mistake and problem, why do I have to be the one to take all the hits (emotionally and physically)?? I can't help but thinking that just because it doesn't "show" on him he gets the easy out and protect his family. Doesn't seem fair to me. I want to just be honest with everyone and get this awful 100,000 pound weight off my chest. I don't know how I can keep living a lie like this, not to mention how this child will grow up living a lie. It just doesn't seem right or fair. I know I made very bad choices, but I am just trying to make the right choice now and I have no one to talk to about it. I guess the bottom line / question is: What is worse - living a lie of this magnitude or telling the truth and hurting people to have a child who at least knows and lives the truth. Please help. Any advice would be so GREATLY appreciated. I am a Christian and have asked God for forgiveness in all this and asked that He please lead me in the right direction from this complicated point I've found myself in. Thank you for reading this and hopefully responding.