I wanted to relate to anyone interested in an evaluation of the utter waste of a life centered around drink and its effect mentally and physically.

I am a retired 64-year-old man from corporate America after almost 31 years with the same company. I worked in customer service related jobs and in a technical support capacity. Since I had very little college education and any real skill sets, I considered myself lucky to have been employed for so long. I did attend many technical schools provided by the company and was gratified that my performance was rewarded by promotion to a second level manager. I retired from this position nearly 5 years ago.

I was one of those individuals that worked all the time fearing I would lose my job if I did not outwork everyone around men. I failed my family and kept to myself over the years which made me a very lonely individual. My whole world was work and I never made time for anything else that really was important.

I was a heavy smoker and drinker for a number of those years. I quit the smoking many years ago but went back to it from time to time. Finally I gave it up totally many months ago.

In addition, I was a drinker. I was not a heavy drinker but after retirement, the drinking escalated. I became for all practical purposes an alcoholic. I just could not face the fact that I was not working any more.

I know this seems to many as a very stupid way to think. One ought to be happy to get the chance to retire but not me. I even moved to Florida in hopes that happiness would follow. I am still miserable and suffer from stress, mental anguish and anxiety. I am subject to panic attacks as well.

I just cannot get control of myself. I started praying a lot in the latter part of 2006 for God to show me the way to some happiness or at least some relief from feeling so low day after day. One day I was on the net and decided to do some research on alcohol addiction. I read article after article from experts begging people to stop drinking because of all the harm it can do to your body and your mind. I decided to stop drinking cold turkey because I felt it was the only way I could stop. I could not take just one drink. If I took a drink, I would have to have many more after that to be satisfied. I had not been to a doctor in years so I found one close by and made an appointment. He was new in the area and was able to see me within two or three days.

I quit drinking on December 7, 2006 and have not had a drink since. I believe God intervened on my behalf to take away the desire. However, the doctor after reviewing my situation, concluded that I was an alcoholic because of the amount of alcohol I consumed on a daily basis and advised me that my decision to stop drinking was the correct one and that I should stop immediately. The doctor also wanted me to take several tests to determine my health status. He also prescribed several medications for stress and anxiety and for acid reflux. My nerves were raw and I started experiencing chest pains and pressure. The doctor got so worried he admitted me to the hospital thinking I was having a heart attack. Everything went downhill from there.

Since, I was in the hospital anyway my doctor ordered a battery of tests to see what was the matter with me. They ran a full abdominal CT scan and found a pseudo cyst on my pancreas. A chemical stress was performed. Then a heart cath, which revealed two partly, blocked arteries. A short time later, a colonoscopy was performed revealing a polyp in one part of the colon and further identified divertriculosis. Then a EUS was performed to check on the cyst but produced negative findings. I will have to have another CT scan. It goes on and on with an endless amount of physician appointments and procedures to go through.

I am very concerned about my future; I also have bad teeth and have no way to pay for getting them fixed and my retirement funds are dwindling. I am in a royal mess but I still hang on to my belief in Jesus to get me through each day. I realize I have created all my problems all by myself. It is very hard for me to keep going. I even tried to get a job but my doctor said I was required to lift too much weight and it could compromise my heart condition, so I had to quit.

If anyone thinks drinking and smoking is very cool, I would tell him or her, look at me, and then you can really see the folly in abusing your health. It is easy to say how much fun you are having with the drink when you are healthy. When you are hurting and sick is quite another.

I know my prayer life is not what it should be but I am not sure how to improve it. Somehow, I feel I should continue to punish myself for my lack of good judgment over the years and I probably deserve all the things that have happened to me.

I say again to anyone reading this chronicle, do not even start the drinking. I can promise you when you get older your life will be miserable and unless you like doctor’s offices, you need to pay heed to my warning.

I need prayers and help to find the direction home to the Lord. I think I know the way but I just cannot seem to put it altogether.

I pray I have a future of some kind I would like to help others so they will not have to experience what I have had to.

Chisholm

Chisholm, that was a powerful testimony and I am so glad that you have quit the drinking. I'm sorry for the state of your health and will continue to pray for your needs. I'm also glad that you've turned these burdens over to God, because He will give you strength when you need it. Have you ever considered attending some AA meetings or helping others who are struggling with alcoholism? I think your story would be a blessing to many people in your community. You might have to volunteer at first, but there may even be a job in it for you. One you've never thought about before. Think of the hundreds of hearts that you could touch daily with such a personal testimony. There are so many people who need to hear what you're telling us. It may be your calling.

I'm starting to learn that there are very few coincidences in life...and for me personally, I've seen tragic events turned into blessings by God. We don't always understand how the dots connect, but I'm starting to see the bigger picture now. These events in our life happen for a reason. And what I mean by this is that it's never too late to make a change in your life. God is always waiting for us to acknowledge Him. God can use these events in your life to steer you to His will. Just like when the Apostle Paul was blinded on the road to Damascus -- these types of turning points can change our lives forever. Turn your life completely over to God and let Him lead and comfort you. Then with the comfort you have received, comfort others and bring them closer to God.

Dear Chisholm,

When Jesus was in the upper room with His disciples just prior to His betrayal and arrest, He told Thomas, "You know the way to the place where I am going." When Thomas protested, Jesus affirmed, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." This promise is not just for unbelievers. If you have come to God through faith in Jesus, you know the Way. Take the time to develop your relationship with God through prayer, Bible reading, fellowship with the saints, God-honoring works, and sharing with others what God has done for you.

That same night, in the same room, Jesus also told Peter to strengthen the other disciples when he himself had recovered (from the guilt that came with denying Christ). Now that you have recovered, strengthen others who need what you have received from God.

You'll be in my prayers. May God bless.

Loving Him,
><Linda>

Hi Chisholm,

Sounds like I may be heading down a similar path to where you have been.

Except for the alcohol though, I have done more damage through drugs, than alcohol will do in a lifetime (for the brain).

I'm only 21 though, but am studying to become a Logistics Manager, in business.

I'm pretty confident I will be somewhat of a loner by the time I am done, and also I am pretty sure that the stress will take its toll on me too.

However, what else can we do, we have to work, and if you are intelligent, and your family encourages you to study for a professional degree, this is the area in which you should work. Nothing else seems right now. It is the natural course of events.

One thing I totally agree with you about, is that all those things like the smoking and the drinking are great, and you can seem cool or whatever took your fancy, but when your health starts giving out, you begin to understand.

I think its great that we are designed that way, it keeps us from the blinding path the devil has had in store for us all along.

Imagine if you could have gotten away with everything, with no conscience, or no ill effects to your health. Where could you end up then.

I was in a bad motor vehicle accident recently, and most of my internal organs were lacerated, including heart, lungs, liver, kidney and spleen, so I know what it is like to have ill health. I was very close to dying due to the very severe list of injuries I sustained. In that period of being close to death, I realised what a mess I had made of my life so far. I always knew of God, but never knew God up until then.

I now know that God is able to lift us up, all we have to do is ask, and believe, and if it is according to His purposes, it will come to pass. He loves everyone, and does not want a single one of us to die. I am honoured to be called by Him. The Creator wants a relationship with us, his creation. When all said and done, how deserving is He of that? We owe our lives to Him. He can give us anything, and everything that we need, there is nothing else we need but Him.

I really hope you get through these tough times, and that God will keep you and those that are close to you. I hope you can find that peace which God would want you to live in. I know what it is like to have panic, I have learnt that this world is a cruel one. We must stay strong in our faith, God will reward the faithful. It is according to His Word. In due season, we shall reap, if we faint not. We must stay strong up until the end.

Jesus commended His Spirit into His Father's hands, and was risen again the third day, now he sits on the right hand of God in Heaven. The world is his footstool. No man can come unto the Father, but by Jesus. Jesus' life on earth was not pretty from our perspective, sometimes he did not even have anywhere to sleep. This life is no indication of the one what is to come. The important thing is not to waver, to remain faithful, despite your circumstances until the end. Do whatever you can for the Lord, with what you have got, that will honour Him greatly. Be a faithful servant, till your last breath, just like Jesus was.

Owen.

Chrisholm

To begin with you are in my prayers. I am sorry you have so many medical issues to resolve, but they seem quite treatable.

Regarding the alcohol - I wonder if you have attended AA at any point? I believe this group will support and identify with your life history in addition to having an amazing network of advisory resources regarding health care, counselling and all sorts of issues. Perhaps this may be of help to you?

Don't feel guilty about anything - as the Desiderata tells us "you are a child of the universe, whether or not it may seem apparent to you , your life is unfolding as it should" you are a gloriously honest imperfect and perfect human being - just like the rest of us.

I admire your your ability to tackle your life in so many practical and focused ways.

More importantly, you have welcomed God into your world - he knows your pain, he knows your needs - you are on the right track.

maddy

The way before you seems so long and difficult now because you are finally looking at it in a realistic light. You've have been using alcohol and your occupation to distract you for so long, working to feel you are getting somewhere when you could and then relying on drinks to escape your anxiety when you couldn't. Addiction isn't always chemical. I firmly believe it is possible to be addicted to TV or work just as severely as drugs and alcohol, only those kinds of addiction are easier to ignore. But anything that stands in the way of your relationship with Christ is a wall that would make better rubble.

I think, on the other hand, that you have underestimated yourself in some respects. Remember that most of those health problems existed long before you quit drinking or smoking. And also remember that you decided to quit both of those things BEFORE you discovered your bad health. That is worth consideration. "God rebukes those He loves" - Proverbs 3:12. Learn what you can from it and use your experiences to teach others . . . which, by the way, you have already begun to do right here on this site. That may not seem like much to you, but God can use your smallest acts of charity and goodwill to do things you could never imagine.

Stay firm and trust in God. Go where He leads, even into the valley of the shadow of death, and even there do not be afraid of any kind of evil, for He is with you. Remember that He went there first - and more imprtantly He came back!

For you.

Oh, and by the way, there is nothing wrong with work in itself, and do not doubt that God still has some very important jobs for you to do. Only now you aren't working solely for money and possessions, but for things that actually have real and everlasting value. Keep faith and when you pray be honest with God about exactly how you feel, even when you distrust Him or are confused by His methods. He knows how you feel anyway, and what He ultimately wants is an open and intimate relationship with you. May peace be with you that defies all understanding.