Help - Search - Members - Calendar
Full Version: Dying, Terminal Illness
Christian Forums > List Of Christian Forums > General Interests And Fellowship
Mitch
I have been searching for a place to fellowship with those others out there who are experiencing some of the same things as myself. I thought it would be nice to hear their testimonies and see how God is acting in their lives. This could also be a thread for those courageous caregivers and loved ones that are going through this same ordeal.
Mitch
My Condition

I am a 43 year old man with lung cancer. My current condition is bedridden with hospice care. We are not fighting the cancer anymore. We are just concentrating on the quality of my life. At this point we do not have a timeline. The main obstacles I am facing are the loss of my ability to walk, tremors in my hands which can make it very difficult to type, and more recently my voice has gone from what was once almost thunderous to a mere whisper that exhausts me to use at all. I am unable to constrict my vocal chords so it takes great effort for me to talk of cough. The pain is well managed by my hospice team which has been a true gift from God. That pretty much covers my current condition which I will update as time goes by for anyone who is interested.

My April 27th Testimony:
It is my belief that we all walk through our lives gathering these layers of guilt, shame, regret and they are what help us to be better people as we grow and learn from our mistakes. These layers aren’t visible, not even to us usually. But they are there. I know I had mine. Too many. All the times I could have been kinder or hurt someone that loved me. The disappointments I had provided. The shame of my behavior on so many occasions.

Well things started changing some months ago. When I started on this amazing walk I am taking now. First off it is not just about me. This is about those people around me who love me and about God. For obvious reasons my relationship with God has been intensified recently. I reckon when you know you will be meeting him “face to face” soon you want to make sure that dialogue is running. That isn’t to say I didn’t have a relationship with God already. I did. I have had a good relationship with God for more than 15 years, even though it isn’t your typical going to church on Sunday relationship. For me it is very personal and I share it with others that I love or that seem to have a need.

After my last bronchoscope (April 27, 2007) I got the final word that it was a matter of months instead of possible years. There was that split second when I had to choose my direction. Was I going to be angry, or accepting. I can’t really explain my prayer word for word but it went something like this “Lord, I give the rest of my life over to you. Give me as much as you can spare me and the strength to deal with what is to come.”

I had almost an immediate sense of peace come over me. It was as if God had touched me and said “don’t worry son I am with you and I will stay with you until you are with me”. There were no real words, I didn’t hear them in my head and there was no thunderclap I just felt his presence in my life stronger than at any time in my past.

Quickly I began to notice changes in myself. I wasn’t sure what it was at first but then I started realizing that those layers I talked about earlier were going away. I now believe I was being washed in the blood of Christ. The negativity that lingers in us all to some level was disappearing from my life. I was forgiving myself for my failures. I was letting go of the pain of 43 years. I envy no-one, I dislike no-one, I don’t have a bad thing to say or think about anyone in the world. I began to really feel clean. With this the sense of peace that was coming over me just continued to build. I found the relationships I had becoming more loving and special. I found myself surrounded by people who love me and who I love. Family and friends of the most wonderful spirit.

The thing is it hasn’t stopped there. My perception has changed. I look at things from a completely different point of view than I did when I was still worrying about the ‘future’. There is a certain release when you realize that you can’t think about what happens later. All of my attention is focused clearly on right now. My heart is full of the best things and that is a part of the point of view that I am coming from. When I sit with my friends and we talk I can almost see their heart, no matter what they are saying to me. I think this is a gift from God so that I can help them understand what I am experiencing and that what they are really experiencing is ok too. They don’t have to put on a front for me. I can see the pain and want to help them. I love them. It is clarity of vision unlike anything I could have imagined.

I know it is because I finally put everything in Gods hands and said my prayer. I am here to tell you he has given peace and understanding in abundance. I feel more peace and harmony in my life than at any time in my past. I feel all the positive aspects this world has to offer and the negative seems to disappear from my sight. I am grateful for these gifts and thankfully give credit where it is due. It is not from me that any of this comes but from faith. Faith that God loves us and wants us all to have what I am experiencing now, complete peace. It is a hard walk we take balancing between God and earth. We want to hand over as much as we can but still keep control of our lives. I had to give up completely to experience this and my unique position makes it possible.

I went on to get baptized here in my home on September 10th using water from the river Jordan (a longtime wish for me) which my wife Mary managed to get for me at very short notice.

I will continue this walk and share my experiences and happiness. I love you all and want you to know that I am ok. Find your balance and give as much to God to handle as you can and then accept the gifts he gives you back. Believe in them and that God wants you to have them, peace and harmony. Love and happiness. God gave me the greatest earthly gift a human can have when I turned over my search for a special person to him many years ago and he brought Mary into my life. She has been more than a wife to me, she has been a partner, spiritually, emotionally, physically and in every way that makes any difference at all. God made that happen and it truly is the greatest earthly gift.
BlessedBee
Mitch, Your testimony is beautiful; you can feel the grace and love of Jesus springing forth from the page. You are blessed to be surrounded by loving, caring family and friends. I hope others reading this can take away the message on how to start living their lives, asking God to give them this awesome gift. I look forward to meeting you in heaven, but I suspect your expiration date is not up yet..... biggrin.gif .

May the blood of Jesus continue to wash over you, and God's healing strength continue to bring you peace.

(((((HUGS)))))

Rene
semi
Mitch -

Yours is the most compelling testimony I have ever seen written. I am 68 years old and many are the nights that I seriously question if I will still be alive come the morning. All the things wrong with me however do not compare with your situation. Sometimes we moan and groan and complain to God about things that seem to be big in our day-to-day walk that may be serious in their own tight but they pale by comparison with your situation.

It reminds me of that old saying that says I complained that I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet. Why do people suffer so many things? Why do some suffer much and others hardly at all? I don't know the answers to such questions - but I have to believe there are answers and good ones.

Financially, we have been blessed over and over again but it seems that every time we are blessed, something major comes up to take away what we have gained. Yet, as one "crisis" follows another, something happens to make it alright again. This has been going on like this since late last summer (20060 so we know "something is up" (so to speak).

This last time God Blessed us, I have been pondering "Why?" I suspect that there is something just over the horizon that we cannot yet see. Today's shocker is the SSA who sent us notices that they paid us too much and we have to repay them. They are saying it's $3200 (I think it is). The last blessing will cover that but not by much. Yet these are the sorts of things that have been happening to us since about this time last year. Back & forth these things happen - but I am not going to bore you with them all - in fact I'm not sure I can re-tel labout them all - there have been so many. I am not going to get into the brain tumor surgery or the lost of sight - how can that compare to your situation? Yet these were very traumatic things for us.

But what we learned pretty early on is to put it in God's Hands and stop letting these worldly things upset us so much - and in the course of doing that, we have gotten a sense of peace about it all. So, yes, we understand what you mean by that sense of peace you have.

God Bless you and keep you strong and continue His miracles in your life.

Shalom.
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.
Invision Power Board © 2001-2024 Invision Power Services, Inc.