Hello, to all those who wish to hear my story and shed hope and pray in my direction, I thank you.

Almost 2 years ago I was raped by a co-worker and denied for a long time that frist, it had actually happened, and second, when I could no longer deny the truth, I decided that it really wasn't going to affect me and my life. Well, almost 2 years later I have finally come to grips with just how much such a terrible act took hold of my soul and still fights to keep me in the darkness. Looking back, I no longer know myself, who "I" am. I have changed my habits and daily activities in response to "keeping it away" so I "don't have to face it". But the memory is and was always there. It turned me onto a dark path of hurt, self-hate, rage, aggression, and uncontrollable anger. I knew I was always angered, but did not understand why... I blamed myself, then my boyfriend (who I love dearly and wished to marry- and I do not mean this lightly, he has been the only one I have truely loved in this way), and started pushing anyone else close to me away. I couldn't make it stop, and when I thought I was getting better- it came back with a vengence. In the end, my boyfriend, still claiming that he loves me, has left me because I have hurt him so badly and he feels I was abusive, and can't trust that I can change and be the person he first dated before all this started to affect me and my actions... because my hurt and anger consumed me. He says he wants time "alone".

I am now in counselling and am trying to fight this evil, my ex. tells me how proud he is of this, and I have also reported the incident to the police. Now, I ask for your help and your sincere prays, not just for my healing, but for that of my (ex)boyfriend as well. I know I can't change the past but I am looking for the strength, courage and wisdom to move forward and become who "I" really am. I want to heal from the rape and I pray for my loved one's healing as well, his mind and soul. So that he may forgive me from the pain I pushed onto him. I pray we will be together again, someday.

Please pray for our healing and ability to rekindle our love after facing this horrible course of events. I need God's and your help, alike. Thank You for reading.

Hi! I don't even know you but I'm proud of you, too. You're expressing great courage and faith by doing the right things. I'm very encouraged for your healing and for your relationship. We'll be happy to pray for you. Please keep us posted.

God bless you. You will get exactly what you pray for in the name of Jesus. God will restore you being that you truley want to move on to your higher purpose. God bless you. And remember, what God has for you is for you no matter what, everthing you want God wants more.

Thank You both for responding to my request. I need all the words of hope, wisdom, and prayer that I can get right now. I'm doing everything in my power to get through each day and look forward to the next. It's difficult, even with God's help. Esp. because I love my boyfriend so much and all he wants now is "not" to see me. It hurts and I'm trying to let all the hurt, from now and my past, go and continue to love unconditionally, I worry that I can't hold on to that glimmer of hope as long as will be necessary. I worry because I love him so much and am scared to lose that. I have to believe that God is watching over me, after all, I was somehow directed to this site for support, right? And your words brought tears of joy, relief, hope, and even a little fear to my eyes. My fear, is that I want to believe so much but I am afraid that those wonderful things that I long for will never happen, I don't want to lose hope and belief in God and his will- but it is so hard when feelings are so raw and barely bearable.

I have started up on of my old hobbies (drawing) in attempts of becoming myself again. I have conseilling on Monday and plan on returning to yoga classes... I don't know what else to do right now, I am desperate to make the hurt and longing stop.

Please help. Anyone.

S.Jean.P.

You're doing the right stuff. Just put your trust in God. You're right that you didn't get here by accident. God, knowing you would be searching, led me to set up a website with just the things that the search engines would match up with your search, so you could find Him and His love for you all over again. God knew your need then and He knows it now. Rest in the knowledge He loves you. Everything else will follow.

Ill give you a answer cause i feel for you....some words need to mean more..scripture is the best but someone needs to talk to you with godly advice..I had been thru it almost myself..and seen that stuff happened in the past with girlfriends and went with them to therapy,i finally saw a light and i could of sworn god said something when i was saying why?.....things happen...he doesnt want robots we have free will...the devil waits like a lion to get his pray,the devil does these things so we will curse god and to ruin or spirit with god in pain, with unstable emotions so he can enter more in to us to take or spirit so down we will leave god,there are soldiers and lambs of god.We have to realize bad things happen to good people,like you, all the time even death,its a spiritual war ..we will be at sometime go out like jesus ,persecuted ,hurt sometimes killed.If you followGOD,Put that in your mind.. the devil did it! HE HATES ALL CHRISTIANS he can only break us down with pain that he causes.so he can get you spiritually.As god would say to you little lamb..The cold wicked wind has passed ,and the new season has come.Seasons come and go but his love for you will always stay in control and the hurt will change..and his love for you will always remain...Will you open your eyes and come to him tonight..theres always a time to get things right...it doesnt matter when you been before on a night like this..it dont matter what has happen before on a night like this..cant you see...i wont leave...you dont have to close your eyes..here i stand ..take my hand,lets wash away the fear you hold.dont throw away your pearls to the swine tonight....dont let them take ...your innocense....remember the time i held your hand.. and kept you close?...remember the times i held you up .....and now..... dont cry........cant you see......i wont leave......im here to open your eyes... here i stand....take my hand....you again can run in the fields where you romed.That is a song about rape.You will over come this in the name of jesus,dont let the devil get in.Hes done evil things to all the children that belong to god.Just pray for you to heal over this demonic attack.Its always a spiritual battle in this world.Ibeen thru things myself its a war.Just remember GOD loves you and hates what happened to you ,hold him close.Get in church,bible study.Im not a quack i lost a woman over rape..GOD does not do evil things the devil does.He knows in the end when we leave or bodies and come to him its all over.the world is temp place.Pray to be healed and ill do the same.. THANK god your alive.. and trust me.. god will get him and heal you.Sorry i come off like this like, i said theres lambs and lions,and lions of god protect the lambs.ps put on the armor and .I been a prayer warrior for 10 years against the enemy you will someday as well.ps if you want the song i feel it would help you..if you want it,give me a email and ill send it to you.god bless you jean ..and yes i see i dont write good but you get the word. THE DEVIL DESTROYS AS GOD HEALS

Thank You for your words and prayers. They all help.

Thus far I have been getting help in therapy, going to church every Sunday and praying to God on a regular basis for his aid. Sadly, I'm am almost as weak as I was when I first posted my prayer request.... I believe that I am healing from the rape and starting to pick up the peices of my life. But, the relationship with the person I hold so dear to my heart is no more and that hurts more than I can attempt to explain in words. He just can't get past the hurt I directed at him. And he wrote an email to me today saying that we will never again be together and that I need to move on with my life to stop both my hurt and his.

I pray for the strength to do so, and i can let him go in body, but spiritually I hang on. I pray to God for the strength to stop this and let him go... why can't I, because I love him so much. Is it wrong to truely love someone so much that you can't stop holding on, to their soul/ or the memory of their soul that you once shared? To not be capable of taking back your own heart? Is this wrong or selfish?

Please help, please pray for me, I am at a loss and I know not what to do.

We'll be praying. Hang on to God! He will be there for you forever. If you've lost this person try to have faith that God has something better in mind for you...because He does.

I will pray for you and in your circumstance, I think an Eastern-inspired, empowering activity would be good for you; like Karate or the like. It helps you stay fit, centered, and it will make you feel empowered in a physical way. It's a good and happy activity and there are usually cool people to meet at the Karate or Tae-kwon-do schools. Just a thought. I will pray that this curse be lifted from your life.

- Michi