Hello,

I am requesting a prayer for understanding. Ever since I was a little girl I felt as if I was different, as if I was destined for greatness. There isn't anything written in stone, or some obvious calling that has paved the way. In fact, I have no obvious talents and really no great skill worth mentioning. Not trying to be negative, I'm a very intelligent young Lady with great potential (for example, a person that can sing is usually led by that gift...I can't carry a tune and am not the greatest dancer...lol). But, it's hard to explain, I am constantly restless. I always feel as if I should be doing more which makes me come off as "never satisfied". I'm a dreamer, my mind is always focusing on phenomenal events with me being awarded and adorned as a bright shining light, a true child of God.

I have always tried to live up to these dreams but I always seem to fall short. It's as if I'm a better thinker then executor. I am beginning to get impatient and frustrated with myself. I have these great ideas to make the world a better place (all of my dreams entails love and beauty for all the world...I just want our world to be the beautiful place it is...all united and full of love). But, every thing I desire to do requires more than I have to offer: money, education, experience, skill, time, etc.

I would truly like to express my appreciation for this site, just reading over my words and I already know the knowledge I seek will come the next time I log in. I've placed myself on a spiritual journey that will last me a lifetime and I know I must be patient and I am trying. I have just experienced so much, both good and bad, and through it all God has blessed me - always making a way out of no way. Always providing more than I thought I needed. Things have been hard and, at times, down-right disgraceful. My faith has been tempted, even my sanity has been questionable at times. I know there isn't anything wrong with me mentally, physically, or emotionally. I truly believe that all I am experiencing is my Spirit trying to open my eyes, trying to show me the way. But, my ego, my physical being, feeling threatened, obviously by a Higher Power, is doing what it does best, rebelling.

Rebellion has been my biggest weakness and has caused me a lot of unnecessary hardship. Now, I'm older, wiser, and truly seeking a better way. I refuse to allow my ego to lead me to hell...not the fiery brim the majority of the people reading this may fear, but the hell lived right here on earth (it's all in the mind). We are here to enjoy this blessing called life, free of fear and unrealistic expectations. God is love! There are only two ways of being, that's either in love or fear. Every thing we do collectively (as a world) and personally (as in our own decisions) are made out of either love or fear. God is love. I understand these truths...it just doesn't make it any easier to find my way to where I'm supposed to be. I know that if I was doing what I was supposed to be doing, I'd be content. I'd possess a determination and a drive so powerful I couldn't help but knock down all adversities. Instead, I start something, get excited about it, then the sizzle dies, and I'm left searching again or trying to fine-tune the idea - never quite getting it right.

The funny thing is that I know exactly what I want to do with my life, but I'm not in the position to see it into fruition, YET! So, I find myself trying to come up with some "things" to do that will keep me occupied while helping me accomplish my goal. And, this is aggravating because the deeper I go in to any venture takes me so far off of my targeted objective, I loose the drive to see it through. I've been trying to come up with a way that I could get my hands in the field, doing something related to my career/life objective - this way I know I'll stay consistent and content. I know I will figure it out and every thing will come together and work out the way it's supposed to. It's just an odd state of mind filled with uncertainty and insecurities - I am extremely uncomfortable here because it's not my TRUE SELF. At this point in my life, I don't feel as if my light is shining through and I don't know what to do about it. I love myself, my family, and our life together...my family keeps me strong and motivated. My husband and my son are truly the reasons I continue to move forward even when every fiber of my being says "just give it up!" I refuse to...every time I look at them, I'm reminded of how truly blessed I Am.

None-the-less, there is something more I'm supposed to be doing and I can't wrap my head around it and it's causing me to loose sleep and wake up tired. While I absolutely love my boss and my job's opportunities, I despise having to get up and go to job, stuck behind a computer and a desk, in an uncomfortable chair, working like a Hebrew slave for a salary to pathetic to mention. And, I do not wish to sound ungrateful, especially to those who wish they had even that at this time in this economy. And, believe me I thank God constantly for my job (I was un-employed for almost two years and I have a husband and a son). We currently live with one of my husband's colleagues...while he's been a major blessing to us and we have all become best friend's, this doesn't make the truth of homelessness any less real. So, I am very grateful and have every reason to be full of thanksgiving (and, I am). I just wish I was the woman I'm destined to be, doing the things I'm destined to do, because I have a lot of work to do.

I am so sorry this prayer request is so long, I had no intentions of writing all of this or getting this deep. I guess I have more on my mind than I realize. These are my confessions - I have never shared this information or been so forth-right about my feelings. Thank you most graciously for taking the time to read my heart's confessions. Your prayers for my enlightenment is greatly appreciated.

Blessings comes with patience!!!

i too have had these same struggles, dreams and desires. I warn you that they can cause you much trouble and pain as they have me.

I have always wanted to be great and powerful and build up a large company to be able to provide for my family and for others. But i was doing it for the wrong reason. It was a selfish reason for my own ego. Now today my great and powerful company (that never made it to great and powerful) stands in ruins. I am on the verge of lossing everything my house my family everything because i tried to force things that would not work just because in my mind i thought the where right. I over commited myself both in work and money.

Now all i am left with is Gods grace and forgiveness and the hope and faith that he will help me save my family and my home. All because i was doing it for my glory and not Gods.

I pray for you that you will find the peace and glory that you are looking for and that it will be in Gods will and not your own.

Please pray for me that God will not turn away from me because i was seeking the glory and not seaking him. And please pray that he will help me repair everything that i have destroyed.

Lady -

Have you ever considered writing as a career?

Keep in mind that Hitler changed the world and he was only one man. Likewise Karl Marx changed the world and he was only one man.

If they can do it for evil, why cannot any of us do it for good? For example: Thomas Edison also changed the world and he was only one man. It can be done.

Your prayer request is a Testimonial to be sure. Seems to me that there are two tings needful here: (1) a clear purpose in your life, and (2) a total commitment to see it through.

To that end, I pray that God give you the vision of what you ought be doing, and the strength to do it, In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Shalom.

Thank you both for your time and prayers. stingray, you make very valid and valuable points. I often question my motives for recognition. Am I only interested in the fame and praise? Is this desire more the result of worldly recognition to compensate for misfortunes in life I think are owed to me? These and many more are question I ask myself. I am all to familiar with temptation and its many "traps". For a long time, I found it 'hard to believe' that people representing "God" seemed more interested in God's "popularity" than His grace. I lived a little longer and now understand how fine the line between actually is. In all honesty, at times, I find myself entertaining the fantasies filled with standing ovations and constant praise as I make my grand entrance/exit from one venue to the next. Then, I catch myself and am disappointed with how easy I loose sight of my purpose. If I'm not able to stay focused on my calling in my mind, how on earth am I to remain steadfast in reality? I try to ignore the thoughts and the gushy way they make me feel but denial does not make it any better - and, prayer doesn't make them disappear. This is obviously a work in progress. A work I am determined to understand and overcome. I really want to be a major blessing to the world. While, recognition is a major part of my calling it's the works that are most gratifying.

I can feel your sincerity and I will heed your warning (thank you for the confirmation). I will continue to pray for you and your family. We always seem to start with a will to do great things; then, learn, not quick enough, that 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions...the road back, humility.' Be strong, I have no doubt God will bestow many blessings upon you. This is far from the end for you. If your were called to do great things, you will do great things. You just needed to open your spiritual eyes - most of the time, we are so caught up in the world, the only way God can reach us is by bringing us very low. If you just keep the faith, your rewards will be plenty.

Semi - it's funny you mention "writing"...it's one of the many "things" I've started and did not finish. Every one that has ever read my work always say 'I missed my calling.' While writing may be some where in my future, I feel that, at 25, I am too young to have anything worth-while to say. Most of my days are filled with confusion and too many questions. As you stated, "(1) a clear purpose in your life, and (2) a total commitment to see it through.' Until I have mastered these, much appreciated truths, I don't think I can offer anyone much clarity. And, I refuse to lead God's people astray by misusing my gifts (the bookstores are overstocked with these).

Thank you both and I will take you and your advice in my prayers.

Lady, there's nothing so illogical and frightening as the Lord's calling. There are none so unbelieving as those hearing of it second hand. Jesus' home town comes to mind. I believe you are hearing from God and you should pause and listen and say, "Yes, Lord? I'm here. Tell your servant what you want."

My ministry calling started at age 15, with a vague dream of me "up front." I told my pastor I believed God was calling me into ministry. He said everything he could to discourage me, the child of a sinner and and a laborer. My laborer father did everything to discourage me because he was intimidated by the fact I had become a Christian. I spent 20 years in an addicted stupor after turning my back on my calling...until I was finally open to God, again. At the age of 35, I finally began answering God's call. After a BA in ministerial studies and 12 years in conventional staff ministry positions, finally, I had enough disasters to be truly open to what the Lord truly wanted of me...online ministry. This, He has blessed from the beginning. Now, about 25 people a day come to the Lord as a result of this ministry. We have visitors to our sites from 160 countries.

Money? Notoriety? Well, those aren't the reason to be in ministry, but sometimes he will use that to get our attention (see Joseph, David and Goliath). He will give us everything we need to serve Him, and I have been financially blessed in many ways, but actual ministry income has been sparse, for me. The problem is, even when this was taking my full time and costing us $ 500 per month, so many people were being helped I could not turn my back on it. I went to garage sales and bought used books to sell on the Internet to support this ministry. He is giving me a small income from the ministry, now, and it allows me to put my full time and attention into serving Him.

All that to say this. If you feel the urging to do something more, stop and listen to God...not man...not even me. Imagine what it is you feel He would want you to do if you knew you could not fail and your family would be taken care of. Pray about it with Him and then do it with all your might. Even if you're wrong about the details, it's much easier for God to steer someone who is willing to move.

I don't have a lot of fame or money, but I know I'm doing exactly what He wants me to do and I have a life that I frequently refer to as Heaven on Earth.