Its so hard for me to discuss my problems and seek advice.. . First, I had a son out of wedlock, my sons father nor I were ready for any commitments, I know I must sound so hypocritical... but I ended up pregnant. My son's 14months old now and I am still with his father. Problem is, when I first got with my sons father I liked him a lot, but as I got to know him I saw how he was. He would lie to me all the time about other girls and the lieing continued through my pregnancy, I stayed around because he would promise me diferent things and how much he would change. As we lived longer together my love for him grew further apart. I could sense he was cheating on me but I didnt have any real evidence so I stayed. THen I had my son and shortly after I end up talking to a girl he had been cheating on me with for the whole 9months I was pregnant. She told me so many things about the betrayal---how she knew where our hallway in my home was, what color my bedroom sheets were, etc.... of course this was after the fact and it wasnt like I could go back in time, all he could say was the truth of course,he had no choice. Here I am now still with him. Confused. Hurt. Out of love. He has changed some, but will not marry me. DOesnt go out on me like he used to and tells me how I need to give him time. I dont know, I need prayer. Lots of prayer for me my family my son. I love my son dearly and dont want to leave his father bc he then misses out on time with him or I am afraid to make a big mistake. It has been many months since my boyfriend cheated on me but I still feel hurt and now I feel so out of love. IF I try to explain this to him he just tells me to be quite and start playing around as if I have said nothing or if I get real serious he just gets mean and doesnt have a sincere conversation with me. I feel so stuck in my life. I dont know what to do. I know what I want-- I want to leave my bf, bc we dont get along, I have so much pain from the past and its my fault for staying...

As a man, it is difficult for me to come up with the best answer for you and your son. TayKerns would be much better from a woman's perspective - but I haven't seen her here in a couple of days.

Let's get down to basics here. From what I understand about your relationship, your boy-friend doesn't sound as if he mistreats you other than he has had flings with other girls. Seeing that you have a son only a little over a year old, I take it you are not working. That means that your boy-friend is at least providing for you. It all comes down to the fact that he has hurt you and you are un-willing to forgive him.

I strongly urge you to FORGIVE him and let God take it from here. Believe it or not that will greatly relieve your hurt.

What is the next step? You have just two options: Stay or Leave. If you were to leave, where would you go? Think about all these things before you make any decisions.

Your boy-friend may not be a "bad" guy - as some men can be extremely cruel and abusive. Doesn't sound as if he's that sort. The problem is that he does not really want to be "tied down".

The underlying reason for men lying to women is because they don't want to upset or hurt then. Of course that usually back-fires but they are hoping it won't when they tell the lie.

Shalom.

Dear Sister, Welcome to Web Church!!!

I must say your story touches me deeply because I have a very dear friend going through the same ordeal and we are still praying and believing God for change in her life. I am glad Semi caught up with me to write you. With a child involved, it becomes a truly difficult situation and it seems to me that you are staying in this relationship for the sake of the child and not because you love your boyfriend. But I have to tell you that you are really hurting yourself and your son staying under the same roof with him. He may not have hurt you physically but he is hurting you emotionally which is called Emotional Abuse and it is very damaging to one's health and psych.

Sister, let me tell you that you are precious to God, he loves you very much and wants the best for you. Now I can only advice you on what to do but the decision to take the advice is yours. First of all, you have to FORGIVE your BF for all the past and present hurts and also stop blaming yourself for the mistakes or wrong decisions that has been made for that is the only way you can move on to better things.

Secondly, you have to consider making the necessary changes in your life, i.e consider seriously getting out of the relationship for you have to see that you are in a very unhealthy relationship and it can scar you for a very long time.. I know its not easy but with God all things are possible. Ask him to give you the strength to move on.. You can only do this with his help.

For you to have dealt with all the pains and betrayals, tells me that you are a very strong woman and so i know you can do the above with God's help. You didnt mention if you are working, if you are, start looking for a place of your own as soon as possible and if you are not working right now and you have family or close friends nearby, think about moving in with them until you are able to get yourself together. It is a good thing your son is only 14 months that way he hasn't really being able to see the emotional turmoil you are facing.
Moving on with your life does not stop your BF from having a relationship with his Son.. That will not change! but its time to take care of YOU.

Your BF needs to probably go for counseling to resolve the issues he has with commitment but its something he has to do when he is ready and i know the Lord can change his life tremendously if he allows him. If you choose to take him back if he does get help and change his ways, it will be your decision but do make sure you commit them to God in prayers.

I or no other person can tell you what to do, the decision is definitely yours to make.. and so my prayer is that the Lord will lead you into making the right decision for yourself and for your little boy.

Just remember that God loves you very much and desires above all things that you live a healthy and Joyous life.

Much love
Taykems.

Plo26er,

Right now is a very scary time for you. Let us set aside all emotions for a moment and look only at the facts (easier said than done, I know.)
1. You are not married to this man. Therefore, this was never a union blessed by God.
2. He refuses to marry you now. If you are still sexually intimate with him, this is completely against God's plan for your life.
3. He has cheated on you (more than once), he got "busted" and so he confessed. He did not come to you with a true repentant heart.
4. You are not in love with him.
5. You share a child together who has formed a bond with this man.

Those are the facts. Where do those facts lead you? Your emotions will create a swarm of muddy water so you cannot see clearly. God's word is clear, we must run from sexual sin. It is true that the bible says that if you cannot contain yourself to marry, however, if you are not in love with him, and if he will not marry you, what other option do you have BUT to leave? You make sure you are in right alignment with God's word, set an example for your son and watch God move in the situation. Sometimes God will allow us to be put between a rock and a hard place to be squeezed just enough so we will move. We are not slaves to "self" any longer when we become Christians. We are "slaves" to Christ. Be obedient to your Father in heaven and trust Him to take care of you.