I lift this up to God and pray for healing,
The person this is about won't see it, but I needed to say it.

If I could I would tell you I'm sorry.
I can't even explain in words what happened to my mind during all of it. I just kept asking God for answers
thats all I know. Instead of seeing the spiritual battle for our minds, I was torn between that truth and your lies.
I guess it hurt so bad to realize that what I saw in you was what I wanted to see because of what I needed you to be.
I know I was wrong to turn my back on my faith and fall into sin with you. I do know that I never intended for that to happen.
Once we became friends, I really wanted to just be friends and not fall. I even thought i could help you because I knew you were
in bondage. The problem is that, so was I. I was in so much pain.
Everything that happened has changed everything about me. I am still trying to heal, with the understanding that I won't ever forget
and I will be different now. The scars are there, but so is the brokenness.
I don't know if you really see the whole picture and God showed you truth and you changed, or if you just wanted it all to just go away so you could move on
to continue the same way.
But thats not suppose to be my concern.
It has become a haunting question while reaching for healing.
The sorrow I feel for how I reacted is real. The truth is, it happened so fast and didn't even seem real to me
when it all came out. My heart fell to the ground when I saw the outcome.
Oneday things are foreign to me and the next day I'm tangled up with confusion.
I was actually in prayer during all that. the pain in my heart was killing me and I felt so used that before I knew it,
things were out of control.
I can't justify my wrongs, and I'm not trying to, I just want you to know that I still can't believe it all myself.
No matter what the truth is about your life, it is not right to say the things I did.
I do know that it stems from a root of past hurt and I guess you were the one that took the heat for all of it.
There were other names that could have fit in all that blame.
I didn't realize how much hurt I was carrying around in me until I finally asked God to show me.
I had so much guilt even when I was angry that you lied to me about everything between us.
It doesn't excuse the fact that I should have helped you and not become involved with you.
The fact that I did care about you a lot, broke my heart even more.

I don't know if your a kind humble man who will receive this
or if you are truly evil and will use it against me.
We never really met because it was all some evil attack on our minds and were not who we are in God.
Seeing you the last time, was like seeing a stranger, And I hate that I hurt a person that way. I'm not about that.

None of the things said about you matter and I hope God makes them fade away.

I don't think your all those things I said about you.
God loves you and I think you are a beautiful man in the spirit.
we are all capable of doing wrong apart from God.
God allowed it all for more than one person.
I'm truly sorry you had to go through so much.


I can't explain it all to you and you won't even ever see this letter, but there was so much all this woke me up to.
Searching for answers about it all, lead me to answers about my own situation as well.

I remember looking in your eyes and seeing so much pain.
I'm sorry and I pray for healing.