So i dont do this very often. Um well i really need the strength to tell my controlling mother that im moving to my dads house.It's just that with her, she claims to be a "christian" woman. but yet she is physically, and verbally abusive. She will talk down to me alot. have these random moodswings. and dont think to challege her. She would call me things i can not write down on here.She would beat up, on me if i didnt agree to anything she would say. And i was reading about controlling people and she fits everything they were saying. I told her i was going to a University and she called me stupid and that im making a mistake, and i need to go to a real community college. So in a manipulative way i ended up not going. But about a few months later i decided that i wasnt going to go to a community college, and i wast even taking classes i was just sitting at home. So i made the choice to enroll in the university i was suppost to be in before. That made her mad.She would still try to force me to go to the community college. Like i was in the kitchen and she knew i was going to the University because i made my mind up, well anyway she comes in and says, you need to take these classes with me, you have to be in this and that, and the semester starts on this day, what day do you want to go. That caught me off gaurd and i said mom im not going to that school. By doing that she started yelling. So i just walked away, i was told to not fight back with a controlling person, plus with my mom if you dont fight back it makes her mad and if you do fight back it makes her verbal and a little physical plus fighting back with her it's like your her fuel. I could not be doing anything and she yells. i read that when a child turned into a adult im 18 is still in relationship like that for a amount of time things change them. For me know i read about, yes i know i read about everything. anyways for me she could be talking to me and instantly im irritated,annoyed, mean, and when she leaves im just fine. Living with a controlling person makes the controlee weak, by that it makes it hard for the controlee to leave. It's like they have trouble crossing off by themselves. It's like i wont to leave so bad,but im having trouble getting my foot outside the door.When i look out my window i know that there is more of a world out there, i can see half of it but im suck here, because im afraid to leave. I feel like a ghost.How they dont have the ability to leave. LIke my dad is an actor and he knows how much i love acting so.Originally i was supposted to go to school out there but the whole manipulative thing happend and yea didnt go. If i would went when i was supposed to i would already be in school. have a job, a car, acting classes, and a acting agent. But when i told my mom that same old same old.Im just wasting my life here.I have to choose my destiny and life before it chooses me.And i was over at my dads house for a week because i needed the vacation, and when i was over there i felt peaceful and quite, and no one yelled at me or bugged me or talked down to me . My dad and stepmom said that i can have what ever i want for dinner etc. They gave me privacy, when i was sleep i cracked my door because my cat like's to come in and out of my room, i woke up and it was closed so i asked my dad why did he close it and he said because i was sleeping and they didnt want to disturb me. I was like wow ok. And at my moms house im so tense and my whole body feels tight and achy, when im in my room im use to the door being slamed open and just noise,and at my dads house, they knock, i forgot was that sounded like, and i got use to that over there. My dad feed my like every 15-20 mins non-stop.The day i came home what did my mom have a attutide why i do not know. Have you ever felt like your life is just wasting away?. I rememer the one thing my best friend said to me because of something my mom did so told me that "God gave you this life for a purpose, He gave it to you because he believes that you are strong enough to live it". I was just like maybe i am, but the first thing i have to do is get out of this house. Mainly for my health and well being. My mom even told me that im not allowed to leave her. So i ask her what if i was married with a family, she replyed then i want you to leave here. It's i just want to leave so that i can stop being mean to people. I want to change. I dont want to treat my future kids the same way i was. Im only getting treated this way because my mom was treated this way when she was little. Like my boyfriend is so protective of me and he hears what she says to me or about me on the phone and it makes him so mad at her. That he told me if she keeps on treating me like crap he's going to say something to her. And i aways tell him just to leave it alone.It will go away. some excuse. The only thing i want is the lord to give me strength and the power to stand up for myself.Just give me the wings to fly. Oh yea and my name is Erica, i mean yea sure my mom is okay half of the time but i still kinda need to go. Im not the only one she did this to i have 2 other sisters. So please just pray for me.