Hi,

I'm 28 and I have been married for 3 years 4 months now. We have no children yet.

For all these years I have been enjoying my marriage even though they were up and downs, our biggest challenge was finance
As he is working as a Real Estate agent and is not receiving basic salary every month but we were managing. But my husband has been really frustrated about this as I was financially taking care of everything in the house.
He is a loving, romantic and caring person. He is also a leader in one of our church branches. in general he is a good husband and hard working man.

For the last 3 years my marriage was good at least that’s what I thought until the 10th January 2009.
My husband confessed to me that he has been unfaithful for 2years of our marriage and was still continuing. November last year he slept with one girl form church that I pray with and me and this girl are both leaders in home cells. He confessed a lot of things that were so hard to believe . on Sunday the 11 January we went to church after church we received a phone call from his home telling us that his mother has just passed away.

He went home immediately after church and I was to follow. it was hard for me to let him go even though he had to but I also felt that I needed us to finish what he started a day before but he had to go so he left.

He had to stay at home for a while so he stayed. on the 21st Jan one of the pastors contacted wanting to meet with him, he (Pastor) told him that there has been a report about him that he raped a girl and this was the girl that he fooled around with from church, from their conversation he decided that he does not want to come but to stay at home and I agreed with him.


but I couldn't cope with this arrangement as I did not trust anymore so I asked him to come and see me for a week so he came back on the 1st February, on the 03 February I received a phone call at night from his younger brother telling me that one of their brother has just passed away he has burnt with a house ,him and his wife and their 2 children. This was the hardest thing that i have to ever tell my husband but he could see it from my eyes that something bad has happened so I told and we went home again.

Again after this he had to stay behind and I had to come back to work. As I was alone I had a lot of time to think about everything starting from the day he confessed to me and everything else. As much as I felt compassion for him, I also felt angry for what he has done to me. And the way he was acting which is emotionally withdrawn. I then asked him that we go our separate ways as i couldn't bear the feeling and he agreed. The following day he phoned me saying he is on his way and that he is sorry and wants to be with me.

He also does not want to go to our church as he feels disappointed as the church did not support him during difficult times. He has a very strong relationship with the president of the church, he is like a father to him and now he feels that this relationship is broken.

He now feels lost in the Lord and life general and I don’t know how to encourage him. he believes that if his relationship with the Lord is not right everything in his life will not right. He feels he has disobeyed God by being unfaithful in his marriage and he does not know how to go back to him. I don’t know how to encourage him in the Lord as he is older than me in the Lord to me he is a leader. How can I encourage him in Lord, please pray with me that the zeal for the things of God. He needs revival in his spirit that’s what he says,

I am also frustrated on the other hand as I need my husband , to me its like he does not want to be with me and prefer be somewhere else as since he came he has been watching sport and going to his friends and I don’t trust him,
Everything is just so difficult, is this how marriage is like when you grow older, if these things happen how does someone go over them and how long does it take for them to be over?

When I speak to him yesterday about how I feel he just listened to me and never said a word all he did was to hug me and told me that he loves me and I needed him to do that and also say something.

I am asking for advice from Christian couples who have been married for sometime. May be I am still young in marriage but I feel like I have no strength for this.

Forgiveness - As hard as it was I forgave but living a normal life again it’s a challenge too hard to bear.
Please pray with me and give me any advice you may have.

Thank in advance.
I am so glad I came across this site.

Dear Sister, first of all, let me offer my condolences to your husband's family on the tragic losses of his family members.. I am truly sorry.

I also want to thank the Lord for your life and for the strength he has given you through these trying times. I also want you to know something and that is God loves you very much and if you let him, he will see you through these difficult times. From what I have read, it appears that your husband is not ready to ask for God's forgiveness and seek his help in the form of biblical counseling and prayers, he seems to be wallowing in self pity and anger. Please do not hold it against him, right now he is dealing with not just the fact that he has betrayed God and you, but also the loss of his mother and brother's family and so I admonish you to let him alone for now and Let God deal with him and take control of everything, and all you can do for him while he is in his current state as hard as it is for you is to just pray for him. Also, you need to begin to focus on you because if you are hurt emotionally and weak spiritually, there is no way you can help him. It is time to go on your knees and cry out to God for help, ask him to heal you of the pain and emotionally wounds and begin to strengthen you, granting you the wisdom to deal with your marriage and lastly the ability to forgive. Spend time with the Lord in prayer, studying & meditating on his word and I assure you, you will see a change in your personality and your marriage.

Meditate on Psalm 50:15, Prov 31:25-26.
Your marriage is worth saving and can be saved if you turn it over to the Lord. Be encouraged.