My boyfriend has recently found God again and it has become a huge part of his life. I have never really been a spiritual person, and didn't really ever expect to be. Since he has found God, I have started to feel hatred towards God, myself, and towards spirituality altogether. It has gotten so bad that I don't feel hungry or thirsty, and I cry almost all day long. The other day i was crying, then suddenly stopped. After that I felt so numb, and began to feel so depressed that I started thinking about hurting myself and having thoughts of suicide. I have had these thoughts before, and even attempted it once. The feelings felt as strong as they had the day I attempted it, to the point where I even considered just running my car right off the road. I am so scared and I have pushed away my family members and no longer cared to see any of them (my family is very close) and all I want to do is stay in bed all day long. This has affected my personality and my work performance. I have not felt this depressed in years, and it just keeps getting progressively worse. I feel completely hopeless and angry. I have such negative thoughts; that I don't believe I deserve to be with my boyfriend anymore, and that because of the things I have done, I do not deserve God's acceptance.
My boyfriend has been telling me to pray, which I finally did yesterday. After I prayed I felt so much better, and even began smiling again. These feelings are still very persistent in my head, and I'm very frightened. Please help me pray for God's acceptance, and for me to fully accept him into my life. Please also extend your prayers to my boyfriend, Kevin, so that his healing may continue, and his panic attacks will cease.
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