Marriage Hanging By A Thread, unfaithful and hard to forgive him Options

[hazmat11]

I have been married 33 years. Not all were good years. I found out my husband had been in a relationship for five months in Sept of this year. I was devastated. I found out five days before they were to spend a week at the beach together on his business trip. He did not go and says he has broken contact completely. We tried counseling ,he thought it made things worse so we stopped. I got a call this week from a bank saying they were having trouble processing the title on his new car loan. We do not have new car. I kinda lost it and accused him of buying a girl a car. Things went downhill from there because I accused him of lying because he did lie before. He responded by saying He wanted me to get a lawyer after the holidays and divorce him. He agreed to give me enough to survive but no more and he has checked the laws in our state and he doesn't have to support me. I do not know what to do. I had asked God to change my marriage just before I found out by accident of the affair. Was God telling me its ok to leave? I am a total wreck emotionally and my church just split so I can't go there for help. He is not speaking to me at all now. I cannot live this way without honest communication. He thinks I pushed him to have the affair and it was my fault. He also thinks because I stopped them from sleeping together he did nothing wrong. I need prayer desperately. I have lost all hope and am being to wonder what I have to live for.

[daughterofzion20...]

Dear Sister, I want to assure you that with God all things are possible. Do not give up just yet on your marriage.. right now, you need to spend less time in grieving over what appears to be lost (your husband) and more time with the Lord, surrending all your burdens and problems to him. His words says in Psalm 50:15 that if we call upon him in the day of trouble, he will deliver us.. This is his promise to us. He created the institution of marriage and everything he made he called "Good" that includes marriage and he also stated in his word that what he hath joined together, let none put asunder. Therefore, I admonish you to leave both your husband and the strange woman to the Lord to deal with and begin taking care of"YOU" .. If you want your husband and your life together back which i believe you do, then commit it to the Lord in prayer and let him take control of the situation. He is able!

Be encouraged beloved for he is still in the business of performing miracles.. Just put your trust in him and begin to experience his joy and peace in your life in the midst of the storms you are facing.

Shalom,

[taoZero]

My father was unfaithful to my mother when I was in High School. Fortunately, I was ready for the Lord and was introduced to Him through this sad event. My mother, sisters, and brother ultimately came along, and so did my dad. Unfortunately, it was a devastating ordeal, and was made more difficult by my dad's unwillingness to obey God's Word. I shared my pain with a Christan school counselor who reached out to our family. I will share with you what she shared with us nearly 30 years ago. She told us to claim God's promises for ourselves, and pointed us to the book of Hosea. We claimed that book as a promise to us (which it is!) because we wanted for the family to be together, following God. Read it out loud to yourself, and rebuke anything not of God from every room in your home. Ask for God's spirit and his angels to inhabit it with you.

God told the prophet Hosea to take a wife who was a prostitute. This was symbolic of Isreal's (and sometimes our) unfaithful relationship with God, and your husband's with you, as my father's with that other woman. God said that he would strip Hose'as wife naked before Him so that she would know how good she had it before, where she belonged. We prayed and fasted for nearly a year that God would deal with my dad, and with each of us too. To make a very long story short, my dad had to lose everything (and nearly got badly hurt several times), before he would listen to God (like Hosea's wife); but God was patient. We prayed that whenever he would see the other woman, that they would fight with each other, would not be happy together, would be stopped from making it to see each other, etc. All of this happened and more. Pray for your protection if you will be fighting this battle, because Satan really wants your husband's soul and will fight for it.

My mom and dad went to see our pastors for counseling. My dad would lie through the sessions and told them what they wanted to hear so that he could get out of there. That hurt even more, but God knew that, because eventually, my dad realized what he was doing, how selfish he was, and how empty it was. If only you go to counseling, it won't be effective - you both need to go. Though you may scriptually be entitled to divorce your husband, God's desire is for you to be reunited. In the end, my dad gave up being a child of the devil and turned his life over to Jesus Christ, after he had a vision of Him healing his torn and bleedng heart. In the end, my dad became a preacher and led many, many people to the Lord, where he is now. I say this, to let you know that God can use anything to His advantage; better than we could ever have imagined it to be. The love of my parents and their bond was stronger after this incident.

The pain was unbearable for so long, especially for my mom, but God with the Holy Spirit will help you through it. Be patient, but don't give up. We would have to call friends from chruch to pray in the middle of the night when things got bad, so if there is someone who you can reach out to who is a fellow believer, I encourage for you to do that. Don't be ashamed or fearful because there is no reason to be. Some churches retain the services of some professional counselors for those who attend there, so if that's an option, please pursue it if finances are tight.

As for your husband blaming things on you, don't fall for it - Adam did the same with Eve in the garden of Eden, and God held him accountable for his own actions. Don't feel sorry for your husband. He made a very horrible choice and he is the only one responsible for that decision. If he is willing to read scripture, have him read it out of his own Bible, so that he can't argue that it says that in your Bible (i.e., for translations in various versions). If your husband is abusive, leave him so that you aren't hurt, but be wise of how you do it. God doesn't want for you to be abused, and if you need protection, let the authorities know.

We used to lay hands on my dad to pray for him, but he wouldn't willingly let us do this. So, we would massage his shoulders, scratch his head, etc. and quietly pray over him when doing so. In the name of Jesus Christ, we'd bind and rebuke the adultery, divorce, selfishness, lying, murder, suicide, lust... whatever the Lord would prompt us to. Fasting with others was a tremendous help. You can just do a meal, or drink only liquids, or something like that that suits your abilities. God will see and honor your sacrifice.

There may be a point where God tells you to stop praying for him, and to let him go. It doesn't mean he's unreachable, but just leave him to the Lord, and focus on you. Ask for the Holy Spirit shine through you to him. My dad watched our lives so closely and was amazed that we got whatever we prayed for. God honored His Word and our prayers. I realized that not everyone is willing to accept the Lord as my dad did, but this is my experience and perhaps some of it will help you. It won't be easy, but with the Lord at your side, who or what else do you really need? If your husband is unwilling to be the good spiritual leader of you home that he's supposed to be, then you certainly have the right to take that upon yourself. My mother-in-law had to do that to raise her kids, and I commend her for it.

I wish you Jesus.

-marc