Taking off on that last entry, children are children, so it's difficult to tell who's at fault when they're fighting. Each blames the other, of course. Often, you can get clues as to who actually "starts it" by observing each child interact with other children. If the same kind of problems crop up between one child and several others, you have successfully triangulated to the one child as the "troublemaker." This gives you some keys as to how to deal with all of the children. Those who were not the cause, but participated, of course, should get some punishment. However, the one who repeatedly causes the trouble should get different treatment. Maybe not more punishment, but more explanation as to your seeing this behavior repeatedly and wanting it to stop before it warrants more punishment. Triangulation is a very good tool to help understand what's going on in the worlds of your children.
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