A true Story and a request:
I am asking that the following story and prayer be forwarded within your ability to do so.
My Wife and I have separated because of an ugly town full of ugly mean people who took every chance to lie and destroy something that was truly honest and beautiful. At 40 years of age and several past relationships, I can honestly say that this was the purest, most honest, most loving thing we had ever known and under God’s eyes, it is something so rare that he would not have wanted to see destroyed by the evil in other people’s hearts. My wife had a very traumatic childhood and has trouble opening up and truly feeling loved and sharing. She opened up to me for the first time early in our relationship and we had something so beautiful that the angels in heaven would have wept at the rare beauty of our love. Alas, I had a business and the partners and town’s people felt it was something they did not have and they did their best to destroy not only my business (for which I no longer care) but the beauty of our love. After a couple of years of untrue rumors of affairs that I never had and the anger that began to well up in me by constant lies deceit and corruption, she lost faith in us, she lost faith in me, she shut down and the light died from her eyes. You could honestly see a light go out in her eyes. We carried on for 3 more years and I only became angrier at not feeling the love returned by her because she kept shutting down and could no longer feel it herself. I never struck her but I would have tantrums of frustration that only drove her farther away. Eventually it drove her to another man, who I do not believe to be pure of heart. PLEASE DO NOT JUDGE her, I do not blame her, I can only forgive her and love her. She saw this person as someone that may be able to give her strength again. She now knows it is not true with him and he is not really pure of heart but she does not easily let go of things.

Nothing in this world means anything to me more than her and the pure beauty of our love. She has started to fall back in love with me, but cannot easily change her way, because she truly is a good person in heart, mind and soul, and cannot abandon easily a course that involves another even if they are not pure nor deserving. We both regret our mistakes and realize the impact that the people with impure evil hearts had upon our relationship. We both understand what went wrong and how we let this evil invade our lives as well. In her heart I know she feels that we are destined to be together again, but is afraid to make that step. I need your prayers to help her, to help us get something back so beautiful and pure that god would truly want it this way. Again, nothing - my lost business, money, possessions - means anything anymore, only the beauty of our love and spending our time together with pure hearts and pure love under the eyes of god and in his name.

I said a prayer the other night to god “God if I hold no blame, if I hold no judgment, if I hold no anger, if all I have in my heart for her is forgiveness and love then I know you will understand and you will see how pure our hearts and love truly is. Please bless us and bring us back together, please forgive us both our sins, please let her take this step of faith, please let us again have that love so pure and so beautiful that you alone would understand and want in your world. God, you know I would not ask this if it was not something that honors you in it beauty and purity. You can see my heart has been freed – I have let go any anger, blame, and my forgiveness is as pure as your word. My love is as honest and pure as your blessings… Bring back the beauty that this world so desperately needs.”
And God answered - She called me next morning and I knew in my heart that god had had a hand in this. She just wanted to hear my voice and to tell me how special she believed I was, how she believed me to be a person with such a good heart, such a giving heart, and I knew she still loved me. I ran to church and thanked him for starting her on her way. I also asked him not to let her give up just yet. She is stubborn but beautiful in heart and soul; she is not to be judged. In his forgiveness, he can again see this beauty of pure love and honesty upon his world. Please bring us back together. You understand now the purity of what I ask – it is not just a prayer of lovers who have lost their love. It is a request of your children who have had the rarity of something as pure and beautiful as you could ever ask to see. God, I have cast off the burdens of our sins, our possessions and live only for this beauty and to share it in your name… to give and share it with the world… with you.

Please do not think this to be the average love lost prayer, this is truly something more. You would have to see it to understand. After that prayer, I know God sees it and feels it is something he wants more of in this world. This world needs more beauty, more pureness of heart, more love.
I truly believe in the power of prayer and mass prayer. I ask only that you see in your heart that this is not just a common lost love prayer that I ask – that you see past the common and understand as I know God did in that instant –that is something that not only we need, but that the world needs more of in his realm. Please make a prayer for her to open up and make that step to come home to again share in the beauty of that pure love. To become again something beautiful in the eyes of God. Please do not judge her, she is truly a good devote person who in weakness and not completely of fault has lost her way – we both had lost our way. I too am guilty of letting this evil into our lives – of letting it corrupt my heart and mind. …And thus, evil found its way into our lives upon the tongues and deeds of others and we cannot let it have its way nor can we ever let evil overpower us and destroy something so pure and beautiful again. Please pass this on and ask that others pray for her and for us.

I go to the church constantly and thought the doors are locked, I sit upon the steps and give both thanks and pray for her to see the light again that once shined so brightly in her eyes. And I can see her and her heart and know that it is pure and lost as mine had been. I can see her face and feel her goodness… her faith. And I will love her always. I want it to be her hand I hold, her heart, when we go to church to thank God for his blessing.

I also wanted to share once again a true and pure revelation that has come to me:
“Nothing on this earth matters, not money, not pride, nor possession… Nothing matters except the time you have, how you spend it, and who you spend it with. It is the only thing we ever really have and the only thing that ever really matters. Do not let it slip away”

Sincerely,
Kevin (and my beloved Crystal)
P.S. please do not judge this as a selfish request – do not let the evil in the hearts of others corrupt us and destroy tath which is pure and good.

Dear Kevin:

My heart feels like it is in my throat. A little of my own personal story includes trials and tribulations which you describe in your prayer request.

Of course, my husband and myself will be in prayer for you and Crystal, in your relationship, and for the Lord's will be done.

I cannot wait to share this letter (prayer request) with my husband. He will be able to relate to a lot of the things that you speak of, as far as the challenges of relating to and loving one who has had difficult past experiences. I had problems during my childhood, which led to my involvement in an abusive marriage. I once promised myself that I would never allow a man to hurt me, physically, before I vowed marriage to my first husband. My first husband was and is a good person. He was challenged by my inability to share and express my feelings, and his own experience as a child taught him violence as a solution. I learned at a very young age, to keep to myself. Then, later, for many years, I never really knew what my personal desires were, what I liked, disliked, valued, honored, or even who I was inside. It is a difficult concept to explain, but is very real and also very hard to change within oneself, not to forget the struggle, challenge, pain, and uncertainty it carries into an intimate relationship. My idea of marriage became marred. After a few years of verbal and emotional abuse, came the physical. I then realized that my promise to myself held more weight than my marriage vow, especially with two small children involved. Having to break the vow made before God, was extremely heart-breaking.

The next relationship was worse. I was a "wounded child" when I met my next abusive partner. He made my ex-husband look like a saint. By this point, I had lost my self; esteem, respect, worth, value, goals, job that I held for more than 7 years, etc... So, I was an easy and vulnerable target for a very charismatic man who pretended he would be my "knight in shining armor."

So, after a difficult childhood, a broken marriage due to abuse, a second and FAR WORSE abusive relationship, these problems with self expression became deeper. It is very difficult for REAL loving men to be involved with women like us. We have the capacity to change up and become illogical in the blink of an eye. Certain things - situations, words, phrases, our senses (smells, feelings, sounds, images, etc...) can trigger our past experiences in ways that we are not even able to explain. There is something that lies within our physical body which remembers old wounds and can be accessed by the most unrelated thing. My current husband, MY Kevin, is one of those REAL men. He is not an abuser, he loves the Lord, has a relationship with Jesus Christ, and has been the most beautiful, loving, caring, understanding, amazing husband I could have ever prayed for. This, after being positive that I would never marry again.

The best part of OUR story, is that when we first met he gave me this little business card which had his friend's name and website address on it. Kevin and I had talked a lot about The Bible, Jesus, and the way to walk with the Lord, so I guess he thought I might like to check out this website called WAY2HOPE. Having experienced such challenges in relationships before, I contacted Glen and asked for advice. The rest is a blessed history. Before marrying, Glen blessed us with his wisdom and knowledge in pre-marital counseling. Glen knew of my past so he simply and gracefully explained to Kevin how things might be for him, at times. It was a real learning experience for both of us. And, Glen was right! Things pop up, and I will do, say, react, respond, or suddenly change my mood, sometimes making Kevin the target when he is not the causing factor. The pre-marital counseling has been a tremendous help for both of us. Kevin is grateful to have learned how past trauma can trigger our emotions and bring our body back to that experience. He knows that he is not to blame when I go through this, and what a gift to ME.

We have been married for 3 1/2 years, and I still, at times, have a hard time being loved, believing that I am loved FOR REAL and accepting that I might be worthy of Kevin's love for me. We work on it, and talk about it, together - that is key, I believe. Practicing communication, getting issues out in the open, and sharing our feelings with one another. Though at times it may be challenging, once tried it seems to come easier the next time. Also, praying together is another excellent tool for improving communications and relationships.

I hope that sharing a little of my own story will help with your situation. I pray that you both are able to talk, share, learn and grow together, while working on your relationship with one another, and always remember to include your relationship with the Lord.

Good Luck and Bless you.
P.S. An evil person seeped into my life too, soon after my marriage. It seems that when people are happy, some cannot stand to see it, and as they say, "misery loves company." This evil person rocked my world for about 2 years. I just pray for her, that she may learn not to judge, have a softened heart, receive the gift of peace and joy, and to also become happy within herself.

Thank You Deb,
I pray everyday for the time she will call and say "I am coming home." We had something truly beautiful and we let it become distorted and the evil of others just added to our trust issues and our ability to talk. We both know that these are the 2 key reasons we had this taken away from us. She has not yet made that leap to come home. I know in my heart and I know that she beleives in her heart (though she has still yet to accpet it) that we are truly meant to be together. I could never hurt her and I regret anything I had ever said or done that helped to push her away. I loved her even when she could not open up love me. It is in her heart, she just needs god's help to open her heart and take that step. I have lost everything I own in the world lately, infact I have lost everything and the only thing I cared about was her. It is a struggle every day, but I pray that god continues to answer my prayeers not just for myself, but for her and for the beauty of what we once had - we both know what went wrong adn we could never let it happen again. God Bless. kevin

A message for Crystal.
I felt it very important to add this as I hope my Crystal will someday see this and see that I take full responsibility for the actions and problems that came from the evils born of my own heart.
My childhood (though not the worst) was one that left me with many problems:
I grew up in a house where my father had a very bad temper and broke things, threw tantrums, spanked me with whatever item was at hand – he was very violent. I was also always blamed for everything regardless of who was at fault. If my sister did something – I was blamed. If my father screwed something up – the blame was pushed upon me. My father was also very critical of everything I did – I was never good enough and had never received a single bit of positive criticism or a single compliment. In fact all I ever received was cruel criticism. I was always alone and though my mother tried I never felt loved as a child. My father was obsessive at being the center of attentions and still is jealous of her attention to her very own son. My mother worked all the time as well so I was always alone.

How this affected me: I do not take criticism well – I get angry. When I get frustrated I get angry. I had a temper that can be violent though I never would hurt another person. I learned how to push blame onto others from my father. I try too hard to please others and sought empty fulfillment from the acceptance or praise of others. I don’t react well when I am not loved in return – I get angry.
Why I have changed and continue to change: They say that people rarely change unless they have something very traumatic happen to them. Losing her has been the single most painful and traumatic and painful event of my life – I apologize if this seems shallow to some, but my love for her is so complete and so unconditional... I could probably never explain it completely except to say that I have no children and she has been the most precious thing I have ever held in my arms and in my heart. I have lost loved ones, I have had 2 prior wives cheat on me, I have had the daughter that I always wanted taken from me (aborted behind my back and then had everyone blame me for it – God I always wanted a daughter and I truly wanted my daughter the daughter taken from me and still nothing ever hurt me as deeply as losing my Crystal. I nearly destroyed me. I truly wanted to die – I was suicidal but did not follow that path – I drank till I was nearly an alcoholic and prayed that my heart would just cease to beat – I lay in a stupor for weeks unable to do anything but wretch in agonizing tears of sorrow, regret, and pain. I have cried till I thought no tears could come – yet they still do so today.

Nothing could ever hurt me more than losing her and I have recognized many things wrong with myself and I have been enlightened as to both why and what needs to change. I am learning to not try so hard for the approval of others as it is the empty pursuit of an empty ego and I had confronted my father about our problems.

The biggest change: I learned that I could not hold onto the anger any longer it lets evill invade our hearts and lives. It is a path that allows the evil of others invade your life as well as bring about evil within one’s own heart. I have let it all go I only hold forgiveness and regret. I could never have fits of anger with her ever again - I could never blame her - I could never be angry with her – I can only love her. I am learning to accept my own guilt, my own flaws, and not blame others.
Yes, the evil in the hearts of others invaded our hearts and spoiled our marriage, but the anger in my heart let that evil in and I could never let anything come between us again. The biggest thing is to let go any anger and ask forgiveness. This is why I hold no blame for Crystal, she is good but easily hurt, easily driven into a shell. The evil of others and the evil we both let invade our marriage was so wrong and destroyed this thing of beauty. Crystal, my love I have accepted god into my heart. I have let go the anger. You are free of guilt in my eyes and I know that God sees you through my eyes and accepts you as you are and forgives you as well. I hope God learns to forgive me as we forgive you. I know he answered my prayer the other day – he sees the beauty of our love. Please come home and hold my hand so that we may go to church and give him our thanks together.--Kevin