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This is the first forum I've ever tried, I just don't know what to do. I remarried a few yrs. ago, after having been married previously for 25 yrs. to Christian with horrible violent temper, severe lying problem, serious involvement in porn, etc., it was very bad from day 1, but I had faith and know God hates divorce. Anyway, my new husband has some of the same issues, I knew about some before we married but stupidly overlooked them because I didn't want to lose him or risk being alone. The sad thing is is that I am an educated professional, and know all about "the grass is greener", enablers, etc., and yet here I am. My husband was born Deaf and has been leading a small Deaf church in our town for a few years. The Deaf community is very small and they absolutely love him, they of course only see the wonderful part of him. They don't see the moody, swearing, selfish person I do. He works full time but then spends at least an average of 40 hours a week playing an online computer game (the kind where he interacts and plays with other players around the world). This has been a HUGE issue, as he stays up everynight till 1 or later, and then sleeps until 9 or whenever he feels like going to work. His work allows flexible hours. I have gone to bed alone almost every night and he has lost interest in sex. We argue about the game constantly and I've explained the hurt and abandonment I feel in every way I can think of. He says he likes to play and won't be controlled by me, even when I'm just asking for a compromise and some balance, even limiting game to 15 or so hrs. a week. I have been suspicious of porn use and check his history periodically. Sure enough, there is a horrible online porn movie that pops up repeatedly in the history. I'm sure he doesn't think I know how to check the history, I do not know much about computers but he is very VERY knowledgeable about them. A long time ago I saw something on his computer and asked about it and he says spam shows up even if he doesn't open it, or something like that. So, before I confront him (and I would value wise opinions on how to do this, I really want this marriage to last, I'm so sad and afraid...) I need to ask anyone who is a computer expert if: When I check his history, and I see websites listed, does that mean HE ACTUALLY HAD TO GO TO AND OPEN THOSE SITES?? I don't want to "accuse" him and have him lie to me and say they just show up whether he opens them or not. He has admitted before he is an expert liar and I know this to be true.
I don't know how we could even get counselling since all the Deaf people know all the sign language interpreters. If he knows I checked his history he will be furious and accuse me of not trusting him, spying on him, etc., and he will either put a lock on his computer to prevent my using it or will just erase the website every time he looks at it. If I ask him to add a filter he will accuse me of no trust and is an expert at making it be my fault.
Also, a few months ago another deaf guy from our church asked the guys for them to make him accountable to them because he admitted having a porn problem. It is so hypocritical. All the people in the church look up to my husband so VERY much and he is a role model for them. I don't want that destroyed, I just want him to be the man of God that he was intended to be. I'm sinking into such despair and sadness. I think there is a strong possibility he also has some kind of narcissistic personality disorder...even when I am sobbing hysterically and pouring out my soul to him, I usually get no positive response. Any help and prayerswould be greatly appreciated. I know porn is a serious problem for many Christian men. The lying and the online game ADDITCION does not help.
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Husband Is Pastor And Views Internet Porn
lin Husband Is Pastor And Views Internet Porn Mar 1 2008, 08:00 AM
Mar 1 2008, 08:00 AM
