God bless you Verena!
God hears you and wants you to come to Him through Christ. The way that you do that is by giving up on the self. Not hating yourself, of course, but to give your burdens away to the Lord and letting go. Cry to him, talk to him, not just ask for things. Have a real conversation with the Lord. Ask him to guide you in the paths that will lead you to salvation.
I pray that you find Christian counseling with a professional therapist. I am bipolar myself. If you get Christian therapy and begin that healing within, you will shine! You will feel like a settled you, not scattered. Things will not be perfect, they never will be, but when you know that Heavenly Father has a plan for you, you can become more focused. Reading the Scriptures, especially the book of John can bring healing also.
I pray that you read "The Purpose Driven Life" from Rick Warren. It changed my life. I recommend it to you. Oh my, I do love you. Know that Christ loves you and is pleading your case to Heavenly Father. Jesus died on the cross for us! No suffering that we endure can be as great as that. Then, he did it because he loves us! Wow! We have to show him that we appreciate that sacrifice by living a life that glorifies him.
Don't distress. You are a beautiful sister. You are joy. Your are a daughter of God. You must not just say that, but know it. Feel it. Believe it. Bask in the love of Christ and our Father in Heaven. They are always there. Talk to them. Really talk to them. Give them your heart....AND read "The Purpose Driven Life"
You will heal. You will, have faith that you will.