Sexual/masturbation Addictions, Needing Fellowship and Advice Options

[Xanys]

Hello everyone!

I really don't know where to start... I will say that--in many areas of my Christian walk--I really need others I can have personal fellowship and mentoring; someone who can be a spiritual friend.

I really dedicated my life to God 3 years ago. I had always followed Christian faith, but I always got the impression of religion and rules more than the relationship with our Father. So prior to 3 years ago, I made bad habits that I'm still trying to get out of. One, would be my addiction with sexual desires.

I don't think I'm necessarily normal in my addiction... I have never willingly given myself to a man. I still hold fast that sex is something that is precious and should be shared by the most precious one given to you by God. But... my moral compass still strayed without God in my life. So, being in my teens and a people-pleaser, I was impressed by the boys around me that my expectations for no sex was too high and I needed to compromise. So I compromised in cybering, sexting, areas like that. From there, I was introduced to masturbation. This door opened more doors, and each one lead into a deeper pit. I am a romantic at heart and never really had a loving relationship while dating. Somehow, I think I filled that hole through masturbation and it just grew from there. One thing lead to another and I was on porn sites. It even became my cure for my insomnia! My lowest moment was when I was on a forum for cybering and found out one of my online partners was married. Really... how could I not suspect that? And I how could I do that to another woman? I really felt disgusted with myself.

I stopped porn and cybering all together from there, but temptation is still hard. My walk with God has made the progress so much better. I went from needing to masturbate a few times a day to once every two weeks, on average. I can't even look at porn or think about cybering without being disgusted. In fact, when I succumb to temptation, I can just focus on getting the feeling without imaging anyone or watching anything. It still does not condone my actions though...

I never really thought of this as an addiction until I realized I had the ability to say no... and wouldn't/couldn't. I've realized that to help in situations like this, I need to turn to God and find Fellowship in others. I've been talking to God about this for a while now, and its lead me here.

I have taken out as many triggers as possible. I won't listen to music, watch movies, shows, pictures, people, topics anything that produces a desire. My last obstacles to overcome is myself and when I'm trying to get to sleep. Since made it a cure for my insomnia, it's like a trained my body to think "when we are going to sleep, we have to do something." The worst days is when I can't sleep and I have to get up in 3-4 hours for a long day ahead.

I... think that's everything... I'm sorry for being so wordy. II know many others struggle with worse situations and problems so I really appreciate any time and effort that is put towards me.