A Journey We've All Taken Episode 2: Seeking The Right Help First
By the morning, my urine had cleared and seemed normal, but this wasn't something I could just ignore. I have diabetes, which is the number one cause of kidney failure, so, finding blood in my urine put my kidneys at the top of my list. Of course, the possibility of kidney, prostate or bladder cancer at age 54 isn't thrilling, either. Coffee together was awfully quiet, but I did my best not to look worried...I'm sure Marsha (my wife) did the same. We kissed goodbye and I smiled as she drove off to work. Note to women: We guys put up a big front, but we're every bit as frightened about things as you are. We're just too frightened to show you. After Marsha was gone, I was free to worry about everything. I thought immediately of what it would be like getting dialysis. Would I have to ask my brother for a kidney...didn't want to be that close to him. Then I wondered what would happen if I were gone in six months. Would Marsha have enough money, how would she keep the websites up so the income continued, how would she pay off the house, my basement project wouldn't get done, I wouldn't finish my 10-year-plan for the web development...then I broke into tears... I pray several times a day, anyway, but this time was unusual. Why do I have no trouble praying for everyone else, but have trouble asking God for things for myself? For a long time, I hesitated to ask for what I really wanted and Jesus' words, "ask whatever you wish," began echoing in my mind. I finally said it, "God, please give me 20 more years with Marsha, so I can enjoy where you've put us to live and so I can finish the work you have for me." I expressed willingness to accept if His will differed from mine, but at least I had asked the right Person for help with this problem that was clearly too big for me.
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