Searching, hope im not lost Options

[rosemount77]

Hi everyone.i hope everyone is good.
for a lot of years now i have considered attending church. i have always believed in god,its in my heart. i swear but im kind. i sin,but i still believe in god.
im not challenging chrsitianity but myself. I just cannot come to terms with going to s christian church. It is this thing that jesus ate fish and lanb etc and that its o.k. if its gods creatures then they have a right to a full life like i do.even if i do convince myself its o.k to eat meat, i keep asking myself (if jesus son of god ate meat then does that mean its o.k to slaughter and and be cruel to animals?)
I feel so lost as i dont feel complete,something missing.think it is religion but i cannot pretend its in my heart if it is not. i struggle with this issue. i love everything, i dont love evry person in the world but i do not belive in killing them.
please help.