Hi,

I'm 40 years old, and have been a Christian for about 20 years. However, I have had many ups and downs (like everyone) and have broken many commandments during that time. I have been trying to live a Godly life for the past 7-8 years, and yet still struggle to forgive myself for the bad things I have done. The past few years have been especially trying, and I am struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Everytime we think we get caught up in our finances, something happens to put us back into debt and it is drowning me emotionally. I have received many blessings and even witnessed a miracle surrounding the birth of my child, yet I continue to have difficulty trusting and letting go. I pray, read, tithe, and give myself little "pep talks" to try to make sense of it all, but seem to get more and more discouraged and depressed each day. I know that things could be much worse and thank God each day for the blessings we do have. I truly do believe that God will take care of us and that he won't let us starve. Yet I also feel that God wants us to be active in helping ourselves, but I can't tell what more it is that I am supposed to do. How do I read the signs better so that we can move forward in peace, or is that just an illusion. The worst part is that I keep this mostly to myself, so as not to burden my family. I am trying my best to be the parent God wants me to be, but when I have a few minutes to myself, all I can do is cry. This post is in part helping me to relieve the burden by "laying" it down and saying it out loud to whoever listens. I pray that God hears me and ask for your prayers on my behalf also. I seek His guidance and wisdom to know how to act, His strength to carry me through, and His mercy and grace to help me move beyond the terrible things I have done so that I can have true peace.

I've read several of the posts on this board, and my prayers go out to all of you as well. When reading them, I feel guilty for feeling that my own problems are worthy of any attention at all. There are so many greater needs than my own. I know that I do not "deserve" any good thing to come my way, and maybe the struggle is necessary because of what I have done. I don't know.

Thank you for listening. May God bless you in whatever needs you have as well.

PL8TO,
We are praying with you and for you, for your financial, family, and spiritual needs.
Would you share what the miracle was surrounding the birth of your child?

PL810 -

Many people think that once they turn to the Lord, that their lives will be better because there is an expectation that God will bless them. Well, make no mistake that He does bless those who love Him and struggle to please Him.

Often the blessings are subtle. It's all the flat tires on the freeway that you did NOT have, it is the flu season through which you went unscathed, it's the refund you didn't even know you had coming, and so on. High on the list of blessings is a sense of peace you feel while everyone else is going bananas.

However; it is true that the harder we struggle to be pleasing to God, the more we are bombarded by all sorts of things blind-siding us. In simple terms, the cause is not God but the source is Satan - who tends to fight you all the harder the closer you draw to God.

Just for the record: we often lay every problem at the door of the "Devil" (Satan) as if he works alone. No, he is the head honcho (so to speak) of zillions of angels whom he enticed away from God long ago - with the promise of the freedom to do whatever they wished.

Since they do mot possess the power to Create as does God, they are left to play their games with those things God has Created, and that happens to include each and every one of us. So, what-so-ever is counter-productive in our seeking God; THAT is what they harass us with - tempting us toward those things in which we are most weak.

I understand what you are feeling because I have been there myself as has every person who has ever determined to turn to the Lord. You question and that is actually a good thing. After all, Go knows exactly what is going on where-as we don’t always have a clue. And likewise He is not unaware of our weaknesses and struggles.

I don't see that God is angered when we question Him, because in questioning we are seeking - we are opening a door to Him. After all, unless we question the Word, the Holy Spirit cannot give us the answer.

God, Please give this person Your Peace that passes all understanding and guide this person to a more fuller understanding, In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Shalom.

Hi, PL8TO!

My name is Linda and I just want to share something for a quick minute that really helped me this morning. We had just finished singing "How Great Is Our God" and the ministries pastor got up and said that the Lord had given him a word, something like, "You proclaim how great I am, yet you do not trust in Me." Well, that hit me right betwixt the eyes, as I am one of those people who was singing that song, yet I have been worried about a system problem with our computers at work for several days now. I have been trying to have faith that the problem will be corrected in a way that our stored information will be retained, but have had that nagging little anxiety at the back of my mind. Well, this pastor really hit the nail on the head. We do need to trust God and rest in Him. "How great is our God. Sing with me, how great is our God. All will see how great, how great is our God."

God bless and I hope this helps.

Loving Him,
><Linda>

Thanks to you all for your prayers and advice. Linda, I have been doing that very thing this a.m. (actually singing the "Our God Is An Awesome God" song) and it definitely does help. That is my main struggle, in really letting go and trusting God. I so often find it hard to reconcile "letting go" with being inactive, and feel like God would want me to do something. It is something I need to be reminded of that more often... thanks!

As for the miracle with our child: Not to get too technical (because I can't remember all of the medical terms) but there were complications during the pregnancy that involved doing an in-utero procedure. During the procedure, she went into distress and an emergency c-section was performed. She was very early and only 2lbs. The doctors didn't think she'd make it through the night, and one doctor woke me around 1 a.m. to have me sign for a procedure they felt was necessary to save her life. The procedure would have only a 60% success rate, and another 25% chance of permanent brain damage. Of course I signed, and asked when it would happen. They said it would take about 2 hours to prepare and another 2 hours to perform. So, at 5:30, when I went to see her and asked how the procedure went, they said they didn't do it. They had been checking her vitals and bloodwork every hour, and at the last minute, it started going in a positive direction. So, they decided to give her a few days to see if she would turn around. The next few days were very touch-and-go, and she was in ICU for over 2 months. But after that night, I knew she was going to be OK. I later found out that several of the nurses (and even the doctor on call that night) were Christians, and held prayer meeting for every baby in the unit. I believe God works through these wonderful people, and I definitely believe in the power of prayer!! Now, she is perfectly fine with no complications or adverse reactions at all. I thank and praise God daily!!

Thanks again, for you thoughts and prayers. May God bless you all!

PL8TO
Thank you for sharing the miracle of your child's birth. What an amazing story! I can't imagine how small a 2 pound baby is, or what you must have felt the night the news came about the need for an operation..
God does answer our prayers. I keep seeing it happen, and love to hear how it has helped others.
We are adding to that prayer for your family, and God's plan for your financial troubles.

Wow! I go fishing one day and you guys take over the ministry...cool! PL8T0, I'm not going to repeat all the good stuff you've already been told. I want you to know I'm praying for you and I have a little experience with personal finances if you want some help. Start by checking out the "Christian Finances" links under "Worship Life" in the address bar above. PM me if you have questions. One parting thought...if we got what we deserved from God, I'd be burnt to a crisp. I'm the reason His mercies are new every morning.