Dear Ngpkgrill,
In times like this it is very hard to believe in and trust Jesus. Our minds get so filled with external events and bad consequences and very ugly possibilities and painful realities. How could Jesus allow such times? Why does it seem like He isn't doing anything about it? Why is He not answering my prayers?
With your mind and guts as caught up in fear, stress and worry as yours are, it is very difficult for you to hear words from any human. I can assure you that Jesus has not abandoned you - no matter what things look like. It may seem strange to you, but He is working out His purposes in you right now. In fact, He is relying on your desperation to drive you head long into His arms.
The Lord allows us to be stripped of things we depend on so that He can be the one we depend on. He loves us too much to allow us to have dependencies (gods) other than Him. It hurts like bloody hell to have our ego stripped away but He simply MUST replace our reliance on our own abilities with reliance on His abilities. It's like surgery. It hurts but the result is very healthy.
When we get really really desperate and we have absolutely nowhere to turn and nothing we can do to make things better or make ourselves feel better - THEN, we finally turn to Him and STAY with Him. This is when we get serious (I mean really serious) about Jesus doing something because we can't. This is when we camp out with Him because we have nowhere else to go and no hope except Him. This is who we go to and collapse in front of - finally. This is when He can do His thing.
As long as we are thinking that He needs to help us do something, we are mistaken. He doesn't want to help you do something. He wants to do it for you. He wants to put it in you, give it to you and orchestrate it around you. This way He gets all the praise, honor and glory and you get to say, "Thank you Lord - for the lovely gifts."
It seems like our minds are made of concrete. Help us Lord to believe in you. Help us to know you so we can trust you with our lives - our parent's lives - our children's lives - and for all things in all of our lives. Are you trustworthy, Lord? Then cause me to know you. I want to know you. Something in me suspects that if I knew you better, I wouldn't worry about anything at all.
Perfect Love casts out all fear. Do you know Him? If you knew Him yesterday then you had peace yesterday. Are you knowing Him right now?
Tear your mind OFF circumstances and dwell on Him - the most beautiful hearted person you will ever meet. When you really see Him, your fears will disappear like darkness when the light is switched on.
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