Uncertain Life Path Options

[kricky517]

I am new here. I have a 23 month old daughter. I had my daughter out of wedlock. I listened to people for many years saying that not everything in the bible is true and that having sex out of wedlock is okay. I have had a few spiritual awakenings but have slipped back into my sins shortly afterward. After I had my daughter I was so in tuned to her needs that I pushed her dad away. I was not interested in sex or any type of affection. I had begun to realize that he wasn't exactly who I thought he was. I had thought he was gonna be a great dad but he left most of her care to me. I am not saying he does not spend any time with her. When he is there, he is a great dad. But he isn't there much.
So by the time I was ready to begin healing our relationship, he had become angry. He wanted sex of course. By this time however, I had been reading the bible and had come to the realization that I needed to stop listening to what other people said about the bible and start to think for myself. I do not want to live in sin any longer. When I told him why I did not want to have sex, he told me I needed to stop pretending I was someone I wasn't.
He does know Jesus, but he loves his sin so much that he does not want to hear the truth. He has had some amazing spiritual experiences but he still wants to pick and choose what is true to him in the bible.
We had been living with his parents since before our daughter was born. His father passed away over a year ago. So we were still living with his step mom. He got hurt in the military and he is possibly going to be sent to a base to get help. So we had decided that when that happened, that I our daughter and I would live with my family. We had been having issues with his stepmom. She would always complain about things in the household and was pretty mean on occasion. I had begun to feel sick to my stomach whenever she would come home. One day, she started to yell at me in front of my daughter and that is when I had had enough. So my daughter and I moved in with my sister. Soon after I realized that my sisters home was not safe for my daughter so we moved in with my aunt.
My daughter's dad and I decided before I had left that I would apply for food stamps and cash assistance when I moved. After he found out that if I applied for cash assistance that the state would come after him for child support, he got really ticked off and started to say that he would take me to court to get half custody of our daughter. I did not understand why he was being so mean. He even went so far to say that he could try to get full custody of her. Though I knew that he was just trying to scare me and control me, I withdrew my application for cash assistance. So now he comes to visit maybe once a week and he buys stuff she needs and helps out a lot financially.
I do understand why he was angry in that he did not see this as a permanent move and separation. Child support just sounds so much like separation and it probably scared him and with him any negative emotions come out as anger.
When we were living together, I slept in my daughters room and we never really touched or told each other we loved each other. Mainly we were just housemates that saw each other once in a while. I was left with all the care of my daughter. After I moved, he would pretty much call every day and he started to tell me he loved me.
This kind of thing has happened in the past when we have been "separated". When he went to training for the military, he wrote to me about how he wanted to get married and all that. When he came home, he took me for granted once more and told me that i would need to do a bunch of stuff before he would consider marrying me, like getting my drivers license and full time job. Truthfully, I think it was just a stalling technique.
Anyway, I am just hanging by a thread right now having no idea what to do. I work online but do not make much money. I want to find a job but I need my daughter in daycare. I am on a list for low income daycare but I do not know when I will be at the top of the list. I just feel stuck.