QUOTE (kristennlj08 @ Dec 5 2011, 11:54 PM)
So I am going through a horrible time in my life. My brother just committed suicide a month ago and it seems since then i have lost all faith in everything. I have never really went to church but I think that its about time to start. Since I can really remember I was always around drugs and violence. So my family never really went to church only on mothers day with my grand mother, but when she passed we stopped going all together. There has always been a part of me that doesnt believe in god, but i have always wanted to understand. I used to ask my grandma questions and question god and she would tell me " Open a bible, god has all the answers to your questions". But my grandmother is no longer with me. I feel like I have no one any more and I dont want people to judge me because I dont understand. My brother was my other half and I feel some what responcible because I moved away 6 months ago. I am very confused. It doesnt make since to me. My brother was a star athlete, a boxer and had just graduated school. He also had two beautiful baby boys. Please no one respond in a mean way about my brothers death, I just need help and guidence in getting on the right track. Please. Tonight was the first time I had prayed in a long time, and feel like its time for me to accept god.
I am so sorry for your loss Kristen! Sometimes people hide pain in their heart when they need to do as you have done here, and share the burden with others, so as not to carry it alone. Jesus will comfort you if you can just speak of the pain to Him and surrender the loss of your brother to Him. He loves YOU beyond measure. I know because I had suffered the same type loss with the death of my nephew. Hang in there and PM me if I can be of any furthur support to you.