Whoa, bacterial meningitis, I got that twice! I didn't get any near-death experience, though, even though I was near death. Just unconsciousness, blank. Now, to your main point:
"my life just keeps going down heel so i dont understand why he didnt take away and why he is punishing me? i dont know what to believe either, i just want to understand why my life is like this now."
One fact is clear: You're having a whole lotta hard times. No doubt about that. I hate to tell you, but there probably is no "why". Contrary to popular rumors, God does not direct everything!
It's clear from Scripture that randomness exists:
"As fish are caught in a cruel net, or birds are taken in a snare, so men are trapped by evil times that fall unexpectedly upon them." Eccl. 9:12
"For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust". Mat. 5:45
No doubt, you are writhing around inside one cru-el net, but there's no cosmic "why", probably. And God isn't punishing you. But I can make a suggestion:
Dump the "why"s and start asking "how": How does the Lord want you to respond? What is His will for you? How can you line yourself up spiritually so as to take advantage of the promise that God makes about all things working together for good to those who love Him, i.e., keep His commandments? Rom 8:28
My dad once said, "Doesn't she know that adversity builds character?" Indeed, some of the famous saints have been tested and manifested by their godly response to hardship.
A practical bit: Remember, you are the central member of your medical treatment team. So you want to get as informed as you can about all your conditions and medications, and you want to keep asking question after question after question. That's a big doctor complaint about patients: It's hard to help a patient who doesn't speak up. Medical outcomes are better when patients take as active a role as they can.
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